Oxford icks: Volume II, because you just can’t get enough

It seems that last time’s round up of every ick was not in fact inclusive of everything, so without further ado, here is a rundown of some more, because we know you love them.

Loud vegans

Veganism is an admirable way of life, for a plethora of fantastic reasons, and one which I personally am in full encouragement of. However, pLeAsE don’t dominate the entire conversation with some supercilious chat about your improved social status because of it. It is a choice, and your annoying evangelism of it is not helping to attract more people to join you.

Fiat 500 girlypops x

There is no real opportunity to drive in Oxford, but as soon as you find out they drive a Fiat 500, you know you will wake up to Taylor Swift as their alarm tone, and a breakfast of avocado toast.

Calorie-counting gym bros

These specimens come free with a pair of verrrry tight skinny jeans or an equally small t-shirt, the habit of weighing their plain rice and chicken at dinner, and every conversation prefaced with, “I can’t go out tonight, babe, I have to gym” Bad vibes. Please leave and take your creatine and slim-line lemonade with you.

Admissions Test addicts

By the time you get to third year, it is really time to forget about the Admissions Test. These people can usually be found quizzing you on what you wrote for Question Three, Part A, just in case being ranked eighth overall in the cohort was actually a mistake and they should have been higher. Just drop it.

Vape merchants

Are you an actual Year Nine?! People who vape un-ironically (or just at all, tbh) are a massive ick. I wouldn’t mind, but you are putting something called an “Elf bar” in your mouth?! We’ll pass on the overwhelming smell of watermelon or pinaepple-mango-strawberry-kiwi-guava too, thanks.

Hardly-working workaholics

How many people in this place have heard “I’ve done no work” from the mouth of a person who owns no less than 38 different shades of highlighter, and has 18 ring binders full of pristine notes? Such a turn-off, honestly; this is Oxford, own your nerdiness.

Note hoggers

In a similar vein, actually, are the people who treat their lecture notes from a measly lecture six weeks ago as if they are the instructions to cracking the enigma code, and ought not be shared with anyone in case of theft of their entire intellectual capacity. Sharing is caring, and nobody wants to date someone so stingy.

Any member of the JCR Supreme Court mega clan

The JCR varies at different colleges (*cough* Teddies), but there is no doubt that the junior MPs, who bustle around the JCR, working the different acts and laws like the high-functioning, superior states-person I’m sure they think they are, need a day off. We appreciate what they do (except when the rent goes up), but organised power and heated debates about the appointment of the Squash Officer or Biscuit CEO, or whatever it is, are not the most exciting way to spend a Sunday evening.

Classicists

It would not be an Oxford icks article if I did not insult every category of person possible and insight maximum levels of hatred directed towards myself, so, in a similar vein to the picture of me in my last article, I am going to state all the reasons why Classicists are insufferable too. Latin and Ancient Greek should be enough of a red flag (literally what are they hoping to achieve with those useless languages?), but if you can get past that, then you certainly won’t be able to get past the odiously high number of them who are student journalists, thinking the world cares about what they have to say. Who do they think they are?

Recommended by the author:

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I took my mum and auntie clubbing to Plush and they absolutely loved it