The Oxford Myth: Expectation vs reality

There appears to be a huge stereotype that suggests students at Oxbridge genuinely think they are SO much better than all other people to ever exist, ever.

Oxbridge is notorious for producing top of the range academics, high-flying city workers, and a number of world famous actors, historians and scientists. Then there’s the horror stories about all the really, really posh people. Except, when you get here, it turns out barely of them are actually true.

EXPECTATION

Everyone dresses like “they go to Oxford.” If you’re not wandering round in your subfusc for the fun of it, you’re wearing ridiculous red chinos, a suit or at least some form of Ralph Lauren.

REALITY

Standard everyday attire:

EXPECTATION

Matriculation is a mysterious ceremony in which we are all hypnotized into becoming robotic academics with no consciousness of “fun” or “humanity”.

REALITY

Matriculation = Matriculash. We basically just get drunk.

EXPECTATION

We spend every waking minute studying ridiculously old texts, in complicated foreign languages, and only stop for the occasional cup of tea.

REALITY

In actual fact, we master in procrastination. Yes, you can watch all eight series of Made in Chelsea in the three weeks running up to your first year exams. And yes, we use Wikipedia. A lot.

EXPECTATION

We’re caught in a terribly competitive feud with Cambridge which may one day result in a battle to the death.

REALITY

Uhh.. maybe.

EXPECTATION

We eat the finest cuisine, in formal attire, in hall, every night.

REALITY

Actually a lot of us cook for ourselves. And those of us that can’t cook.. yeah, we’re just as shit at food shopping as anyone else.

EXPECTATION

The only time we drink is while in deep discussion with tutors and senior academics about politics and quantum physics, or as members of mysterious clubs that trash restaurants and hurl abuse at anyone we consider to be of a lower class than us.

REALITY

Bridge.

EXPECTATION

You cannot go to Oxford unless your parents have a title in front of their names, or own at least a quarter of a country.

REALITY

My parents work in a garden centre.

EXPECTATION

Everyone has ridiculous hidden talents or shocking quirks, like having played the violin for the queen or having Rihanna as a second cousin.

REALITY

Well…I know three people, including myself, that can say the alphabet backwards?

EXPECTATION

Regardless of whether you insist you will not be changed, becoming a student at Oxford magically transforms you into the “pretentious dick” stereotype. It is out of your control. You will become a soulless human being that hates all those “lesser” people (aka non Oxford students) and loves yourself and your university more than anything else.

REALITY

The majority of us will look back on all the “scary stories”, and will probably just find entertainment in how untrue they actually were.