New rankings say our degrees are so much better than everyone else’s

Fuck the light blues

Complete University Guide

Oxford officially dishes out the best degrees in the country – with the most first and 2:1s

According to The Complete University Guide 2016, an astounding 92.1% get them.

Unfortunately though, the nerds at Cambridge are actually best in the country in the overall ranking.

We're so much better than everyone

We’re so much better than everyone

That’s well above St Andrews, who sit in second place with 89.6%, and Cambridge who are in third with a measly 89.3%.

In case you were wondering, Sunderland sit in last place with just 49.5%.

Overall though, we’re second with 989 points – just behind our eternal Cantab rivals, who pipped us to the post by 11 points.

Cambridge beat us to the top...

Cambridge beat us to the top…

LSE come in well behind at third with just 953 points: a huge 36 points behind us.

They’re followed by Imperial, Durham and St Andrews. Warwick, Surrey, Lancaster and UCL round out the top 10.

The news isn’t all good: shockingly, we’re only 7th for graduate prospects, at 82%. That’s behind Imperial, St George’s, Cambridge, Bath, Birmingham and LSE.

Our Green Score is abysmal too. Oxford sits at 103rd place, with our pitiful score of 32.7 paling in comparison to first place Plymouth’s 83.

We rank highly where it counts. We have the 3rd highest student/staff ratio – an astounding 10.6 students per staff, compared to a stunningly poor 29 at last place Bishop Grosseteste. And we claim the silver medal for academic services spend, beating Cambridge and sitting just behind St George’s. £9k well spent.