Best Clubbers: Seven deadly sins in Week Seven
Torpids Clubbing: Let’s bump tonight
With the passing of week seven we can all breathe a sigh of relief, as no longer do we need to pretend to give a shit about anything to do with rowing.
Indeed, those people who decided not to spend their entire time at university wearing lycra and pulling sticks backwards and forwards, while a small angry man shouts at them, hit the town this week, looking for laughs, Lambrini and libidinous liaisons.
To celebrate a seventh fine week of Oxford clubbing, The Tab would like to present: The Seven Deadly Sins: An Oxford Encounter
Wrath
Emerging from a day’s work in the Lower Gladstone Link like…
Greed
These lads (#MovingYats) won’t rest until they’ve chirpsed every girl in Anuba. Leave some for us guys!
Sloth
The perennial raging at Park End has exhausted our gentleman in the background
Oxford’s George Foreman gets KO’d in the Rumble
Pride
That delicious all-too-knowing pout from our ladies’ man could ignite a heart of stone – be proud sir.
Lust
Our resident steam-monger makes Christian Grey look as sexy as Bruce Forsyth in a nightie. His ice-cool gaze overwhelms his infatuated partner
Envy
Sadness lurks in the corners
No mates photobomb
Gluttony
Winner Winner Chin Dinner
Omg guys, Jacob Elordi is going to Oxford University in October to study English
Lydia Spencer-ElliottHe fell in love with the campus while filming Saltburn
Oxford Uni lecturer stalked by man who flew 4,000 miles to her with a can of pepper spray
Emily SmithHe sent his bags to her office and wanted her to ‘be his Valentine’
Oxford Uni chaplain who compared sex offenders to ‘puppies needing training’ given welfare role
He asked one student assault victim if they were ‘aware of the effect they had on men’, but has now secured a post at another college
These are the subjects you need to study at Oxbridge to more than double your grad salary
In one subject, studying it at Oxbridge over any other uni will get you £47k more per year
Oxford University College offers students a Halal menu option but it includes… red wine
One student said she was ‘sadly not surprised’ at the mistake
Two of Emma Watson’s lecturers at The University of Oxford have successfully sued the uni
Emma Watson studies on Oxford’s creative writing course
So, people are rinsing Oxford students for dancing at a ball and it’s low-key really mean
A Ceilidh is a huge part of Scottish culture
Oxford University Vice-Chancellor with £232k salary says grads should be donating to their uni
Was my £9k a year not enough!
Two of Emma Watson’s lecturers at Oxford are suing the university for unfair dismissal
The lecturers also compared their situation to the Post Office scandal
Oxford uni called ‘patronising’ for job advice despite banning its students from working
Oxford’s policy on part-time jobs reads: ‘Term-time employment is not permitted except under exceptional circumstances’
Students from two Oxford colleges are throwing Saltburn themed parties this term
One of them is Felix and Oliver’s actual college from the film
Students at University of Oxford housed in four-star hotels due to a lack of accommodation
One of the hotels costs up to £150 a night and has an indoor pool and spa
A professor at the University of Oxford has told students to use ChatGPT for essays
The economics students were told AI ‘should help you produce a much better essay’
Oxford students forced to sleep in queues for over 24 hours to sign uni accommodation
‘It was absolutely freezing, I’m wearing three jumpers right now’
All the Oxford on campus filming locations where Emerald Fennell shot Saltburn
Harrison BrocklehurstStudents literally loaned their actual dorm rooms to the production team
BBC denies allegations of antisemitism on University Challenge due to octopus mascot and Palestinian flag colours
‘We utterly condemn the abuse that has been posted and shared’
Oxford student found escort waiting in their room booked by the university
The student found a ‘woman sitting on [their] bed in a lingerie robe’ in their hotel room
So, some Oxford Colleges actually have a chalet students can visit and it’s big Tory vibes
Rah Bartholomew are you coming to the College chalet this year?
Katie Hopkins is speaking at the Oxford Union this term and shock, no one wants her
She’s going to be debating… veganism?
Oxford College asks students to sleep on mattresses in shared rooms due to RAAC in halls
Not really the Oxford dark-academia dream you signed up for is it?
From tattoos to moving in together: What are Tori and Jack up to after MAFS Australia 2024?
Ellie RingThey’re in their own little bubble
More lies Jack from MAFS Australia has been telling his ex have surfaced and it’s chaos
‘He’s only staying with Tori because he’s backed into a corner’
Ben slams Ellie for being ‘vindictive’ on MAFS and claims she’s with Jono for ‘publicity’
‘She always played the victim’
Cast member Ben claims MAFS Australia 2024 producers mocked and ‘criticised’ his ADHD
‘I didn’t sign up to be taken advantage of through my mental health’
A look inside the wholesome life of Jessica Gunning who carried Baby Reindeer as Martha
Francesca EkeI can’t believe she’s not actually Scottish
No ifs, no buts: These are the absolute WORST episodes of Black Mirror ever
Black Mirror episode idea: Me being forced to watch these on loop
Inside the wild transformations of the Buffy cast, from the first episode to now
Sarah Michelle Gellar my ageless queen!
What have raunchy lovebirds Ridge and Jade been up since MAFS Australia 2024?
Not him getting her name tattooed on his back
Everyone’s wondering if Baby Reindeer’s on stage breakdown was real, so here’s what happened
Phoebe KowhaiDonny opened up about the sexual assault he had experienced whilst performing stand up
One MAFS Australia 2024 groom who made it to final vows has already got a new girlfriend
And apparently they dated before the show?!
Man falsely accused of being Darrien from Baby Reindeer has launched police investigation
He has involved police due to ‘defamatory, abusive and threatening posts’ against him
‘I love the surprise’: Richard Gadd has spoken about why he chose THAT Baby Reindeer ending
‘It was the most truthful scene of the entire show’
Are Jono and Lauren still together after his MAFS Australia 2024 texting scandal?
It’s not looking good for the couple
Eden cashes in on MAFS Australia 2024 fame as she signs with influencer talent management
Lucinda has also joined the same management as Tahnee Cook
Forget Tinder, this note of a guy trying to pull on a Sheffield bench has everyone weeping
New pulling technique? Sorted
From Kerry Katona to Shakira: Inside Lucien Laviscount’s unexpected dating history
Suchismita GhoshShakira is a plot twist no one saw coming
Ben reveals he always suspected something ‘fishy’ was going on between Jono & Ellie on MAFS
‘I saw the way they looked at each other from the start’
Bronte speaks out against MAFS Australia and says show offers no support to the cast
‘During filming, I was distraught’
