Best Clubbers: Fifth week
Three ballroom lifts, two blokes from Made in Chelsea, and one tiny bottle of vodka
Does anyone actually read this bit? Let me know
What a tit
It’s only because you’re on TV you smug prick
Alik – the most genuine smile this side of the King’s Road
C is for
A strong 10 from the judges
A decent 7, but we aren’t feeling the commitment
A weak 4, you’re having way too much fun
Oxford Uni lecturer stalked by man who flew 4,000 miles to her with a can of pepper spray
He sent his bags to her office and wanted her to ‘be his Valentine’
Oxford Uni chaplain who compared sex offenders to ‘puppies needing training’ given welfare role
He asked one student assault victim if they were ‘aware of the effect they had on men’, but has now secured a post at another college
These are the subjects you need to study at Oxbridge to more than double your grad salary
In one subject, studying it at Oxbridge over any other uni will get you £47k more per year
Oxford University College offers students a Halal menu option but it includes… red wine
One student said she was ‘sadly not surprised’ at the mistake
Two of Emma Watson’s lecturers at The University of Oxford have successfully sued the uni
Emma Watson studies on Oxford’s creative writing course
So, people are rinsing Oxford students for dancing at a ball and it’s low-key really mean
A Ceilidh is a huge part of Scottish culture
Oxford University Vice-Chancellor with £232k salary says grads should be donating to their uni
Was my £9k a year not enough!
Two of Emma Watson’s lecturers at Oxford are suing the university for unfair dismissal
The lecturers also compared their situation to the Post Office scandal
Oxford uni called ‘patronising’ for job advice despite banning its students from working
Oxford’s policy on part-time jobs reads: ‘Term-time employment is not permitted except under exceptional circumstances’
Students from two Oxford colleges are throwing Saltburn themed parties this term
One of them is Felix and Oliver’s actual college from the film
Students at University of Oxford housed in four-star hotels due to a lack of accommodation
One of the hotels costs up to £150 a night and has an indoor pool and spa
A professor at the University of Oxford has told students to use ChatGPT for essays
The economics students were told AI ‘should help you produce a much better essay’
Oxford students forced to sleep in queues for over 24 hours to sign uni accommodation
‘It was absolutely freezing, I’m wearing three jumpers right now’
All the Oxford on campus filming locations where Emerald Fennell shot Saltburn
Students literally loaned their actual dorm rooms to the production team
BBC denies allegations of antisemitism on University Challenge due to octopus mascot and Palestinian flag colours
‘We utterly condemn the abuse that has been posted and shared’
Oxford student found escort waiting in their room booked by the university
The student found a ‘woman sitting on [their] bed in a lingerie robe’ in their hotel room
So, some Oxford Colleges actually have a chalet students can visit and it’s big Tory vibes
Rah Bartholomew are you coming to the College chalet this year?
Katie Hopkins is speaking at the Oxford Union this term and shock, no one wants her
She’s going to be debating… veganism?
Oxford College asks students to sleep on mattresses in shared rooms due to RAAC in halls
Not really the Oxford dark-academia dream you signed up for is it?
Many students at Oxford will no longer be able to receive parcels to their colleges
Parcels will be delivered to a depot a mile out of the city and redirected to the colleges via cargo bikes
Jono secretly admitted he wished he was married to Ellie and called her ‘hot’ during MAFS
Despite insisting they were ‘just friends’
MAFS Australia production got so angry at Ben his friends and family visit was edited out
Ben would ‘constantly speak in riddles’ and production ended up ‘yelling at him’ over it
Um, MAFS’ Timothy’s claiming Ben ‘stole’ his lyrics for the hell on earth Ellie apology song
Is anything normal happening on MAFS Australia at this point?
The MAFS Australia experts revealed their fave cast members and the choices are wild
Alessandra is a real one
MAFS Australia alumni Jesse reveals which 2024 couples he thinks are in fake relationships
I’m actually so shocked
MAFS Australia set to be rocked by a HUGE cheating scandal involving Jono and Ellie
They were secretly messaging each other throughout MAFS
Ranking all of Sydney Sweeney’s roles by how hard they slayed
She ate her Immaculate performance up and left no crumbs, nun at all
In full: The letter MAFS Australia’s Ben wrote to Ellie listing all the things he hates about her
It includes her vaping, and waking up when he walks into the bedroom
Omg, Jayden and Eden ‘agreed to be puppets’ to get more airtime on MAFS Australia
‘Producers told them they needed to cause drama or go home’
Tori and Jack are charging fans a whopping $118 for a MAFS Australia meet and greet?!
You couldn’t pay me to shake his hand
Selling Sunset agent Chelsea Lazkani files for divorce from her businessman husband
He’s the father of their two young children
Um, Ridge is apparently launching a whole ‘deece’ clothing line around his MAFS catchhrase
I’ll be decked out from head to toe
Awkward! These are officially the least popular Russell Group universities in 2024
Cambridge students everywhere crying as we speak
Ella May Ding just absolutely dragged Jayden from MAFS Australia on a podcast
She didn’t hold back, obviously
Here’s where Cara Delevingne preaching about house music on your TikTok is actually from
‘It’s about time you fell in love with something that will love you back!’
Um, Chelsea now has her own merch range with cringe Love Is Blind sayings on it
I’ll take four ‘Megan Faux’ caps, please
Zayn Malik to Calvin Harris: All the celebs who’ve quit Hollywood to live on a farm
Finding out that Jeffree Star is farming yaks was not on my 2024 bingo card