Tabometer: Week five

Is 5th week still shit? Yeah.

| UPDATED

We explore Oxford’s trends with our very accurate, scientific scale. 

GOING UP

Nothing, it’s 5th week.

GOING DOWN

Man Flu

This epidemic has taken Oxford by storm this week. Early symptoms include snivelling in lectures and mild to moderate complaining but these can swiftly develop into more serious cases such as the inability to move anywhere outside of college walls, compulsive shopping in Boots’ Vitamin C section and existential cries to ‘Go on without me!’.

If any of these symptoms develop, you should contact somebody who doesn’t really care immediately.

Capitox 

After not controlling the fact that their whole mailing list was signed up to UKIP overnight, Capitox just got even worse than it already was.

Students who aspire to be in finance from age 18 are bad enough without having affiliations with Nige thrust upon them too. Poor chaps.

Promoters

5 notifications a day and they are all from ‘CARWASH’, ‘RETOX’ and ‘WAREHOUSE SATURDAYS’. Oxford promoters sure know how to make shit nights even more annoying.

Carbon

Well, it’s finally happened. Carbon is well and truly being pulled down and it sure did send off in style this week.

Fans are concerned about the future location of their weekly house music fix. Rumour has it the space is turning into a strip club… a curious one.

WE MISS YOU CARBON