The scariest places in Oxford

If you’re looking for a thrill this halloween, seek out these hair-raising hot spots – the scariest and spookiest locations Oxford has to offer. And if it all gets a bit much, don’t say we didn’t warn you.

“Simply Sewing”

This so-called dry cleaner’s opposite Exam Schools, painted a sinister blood red, is surely one of Oxford’s most terrifying buildings. Despite its promise of sales and special offers year round, and the enticing display of well-fitted garments, this business never opens its doors. The quotes around the shop’s name and the ominous message on the door (“We don’t clean for just anybody!”) suggests its true character – this shop won’t clean your clothes, but it might clean up the scene of a brutal murder. That or it’s a front for a drug ring.

Simply Sewing more like Scary Sewing am I right

The Gladstone Link

Haunted by the ghosts of students who wander down here in search of books only to lose their minds to the oppressive corridors and fluoro lighting, the Gladstone Link is a horror film waiting to happen. Sometimes you can still hear the whispers as the spirits of students past try to track down books long gone from the shelves – “B2… B27… B2758.G74….”. Chilling.

He’s been down here since 1967

The St Giles Monument

By day, site of irritating tour guides and feckless sightseers. By night, the scene of alcohol-induced clamouring while nervous students guiltily shuffle past. One terrified Balliol student, forced to look out on this scene from his own bedroom nightly, claims to have heard such allegations as “I always buy you your crack but you never fucking buy me mine!”. Adds a bit of danger to a night-time Tesco run.

Hold on tight to your bite-size doughnuts

Roppongi

A sweaty pit of fear. Populated by creatures of the night, untouched by the sun’s rays for thousands of years – you can taste the panic in the air. Only venture down into this dungeon garbed in your best troll-proof armour, or you could be sucked in and forced to join the clammy masses. Yes they do happy hour prices until 11pm, no it’s not worth it.

Another soul lost to the spirits of darkness

The Broad Street Creeper

Not really a place, but probably the most genuinely scary thing on this list. Why is it there? What is it looking at? Can someone put a dumb hat on it so I’m not constantly looking over my shoulder while waiting for my Hassan’s?

Our dark overlord

Student house bathrooms

They’re everywhere, and they’re spine-chilling. No-one knows what exactly is growing on the walls, or what the creepy insect in the corner is. Avoid avoid avoid.

Grim

The Cowley Road

Specifically, the actual road. Yeah, sure, Cowley is Oxford’s most “dangerous” neighbourhood, buzzing with police cars day and night. But the potholes are fucking terrifying when you’re cycling home late in the dark. A veritable obstacle course of horror, the like of which we haven’t seen since Raven forced children through fiery hoops in the forest.

Danil faces The Way of The Warrior

Happy Halloween!