The Tabometer: Week One

The Tab tracks the up and down movements of Oxford’s trends with our fresh, highly scientific measuring scale.

WHAT’S HOT

Umbrellas

Have you seen the forecast this week? It’s shit. Buy an umbrella, you look French, therefore sophisticated. But they’re mainly for staying dry.

The Weston Library

It’s not very often we get a new library, so when we do, it’s a big fucking deal – however sad that may be. Nevertheless, it’s pretty beaut inside, and for the time being, a hot place to work. FRESH.

The Union

Well after the complete fuck up that was last term (lets not dwell on the past eh?) the Oxford Union has actually produced a pretty decent term card, with some impressive speakers. A polite clap is in order I feel.

Freshers’ t-shirt designs

Really quite strong this year – especially Magdalen, Worcester, Mansfield and Somerville. There was even some tie-dye in there. Now never wear it again.

WHAT’S NOT

Warehouse

They’ve changed the name, that’s it. It’s exactly the same as Junction, but instead of Spice Girls they play house music – just not quite up to the actual Warehouse Project standard.

Usage of the words “legend” and “classic”

For anyone who has seen the utterly wank new Riot Club film, you’ll understand. For those who haven’t, the usage of these words in the film causes enough cringing and wincing to incite physical pain, in a totally tragic, non-ironic manner. Avoid.

Freshers Flu

Forget Ebola, the real pandemic is the dreaded Freshers Flu, and its peak season – think you’re immune as a second or third year? Think again. Universally hated by all.

R.I.P £1 Oxford Tube vouchers

We all knew the best thing about the Freshers’ Fair were the £1 Oxford Tube vouchers – ludicrously good value. Alas, they are now £5. Some things can’t last forever – Cameron’s bloody Britain.