The Tab Tries: Streaking in Worcester

When you walk out of Purple Turtle, you do not walk out of a night club. You walk out of a small, sweaty, purple cave, and to be honest, you need to remind yourself what freedom tastes like. At least, that’s what we needed to do.

But how? Simple- find lawn. Strip. Run. That’s what we went for- this time, in Worcester College.

It was featured on BBC Gardeners’ World, you know.

There were two of us. There were many staircases. And conveniently, they didn’t have any doors. It was the JCR staircase, with the abundance of welfare posters, that seemed the most cosy.

No doors ensure a seamless streaking experience

And so, we de-robed. We looked out. We thought there were some people in the cloisters. And to be fair, there probably were. But overcome by a feeling of Purple Turtle related nausea, it was time to go.

Now, there is some debate about what really counts as a quad streak. The Tab can can declare: it’s diagonal, from one corner to the other. Because that’s the one we did.

Look how the lodge shines. Make sure you run away from it, else Mark the Porter might confiscate your clothes

If you run from the corner nearest the lodge, you get to a) run AWAY from the porters and b) run towards the Alice in Wonderland style tunnel which leads on to Nuffield lawn, and as we discovered, this tunnel a great place to collapse in laughter. Or vomit. Or recoil in horror. Guess it depends how much you like getting naked, really.

A quick reminder of how to take off your clothes

In fact, we got so carried away by the tunnel and the lovely big lawn on the other side of it that we completely forgot to go back and get our clothes/shoes and in my case, my spare room key. Because my actual room key had got lost. Obviously.

Thankfully, my dear streaking companion donated me some clothes, despite having lost her own attire in the process. (Still not found. Bodycon dress from Zara- any ideas please email [email protected]). Or, at least, I took some from her wardrobe, whilst she tried to communicate with the automated voice of the Natwest helpline. Purple Turtle had not only taken her dignity, but also her debit card.

Don’t worry, there won’t be any hazardous wheelbarrows around at night

It was a beautiful night. And the morning was even better. Arriving at the lodge shoeless and in a giant sweatshirt, and asking the porter for the master key, he gave me the most praise I had got since I got my collections back: ‘You look like the stupid kind of person who would do that’. So, if you really want to taste the freedom of streaking, make sure you put yourself in a purple cave beforehand.