Tasha Dhanraj’s thought for week 4: You can’t pray the depression away

Depression is shit. I think depression has a unique shade of shit if you mix in certain Christian circles. Plenty has been written on the problem of suffering in Christianity. In fact, just last week I went to a talk at St Aldate’s Church about the Problem of Evil. (Part of their Friday Lunchtime Talks series – I recommend everyone go along for the coronation chicken sandwiches alone.)

It was a good talk and raised some interesting ideas about how Christians address the idea of suffering, from accepting that it’s due to sin in the world, to believing that it is necessary if we allow for free will. The general idea I’ve come across – which seems to be Biblically based – is that suffering may occur, but God will be with you in the suffering and will comfort you. (I’m thinking of Psalm 23, 1 Peter 5:7 etc.)

The trouble with depression is that the suffering is occurring in exactly the place you’d expect the comfort to be happening. What then?

I used to be a practicing Christian. I stopped going to church after a long battle with depression during which time I prayed, worshipped and read the Bible constantly in an attempt to fill this void. Meanwhile, my Christian friends told me that it must be my fault. That I must be putting something above God. That I must be causing this block.

No, dear friends. I had depression.

There’s a hideous branch of Christianity from America that spreads the idea that if you pray enough and give enough money to the Church then nothing bad will ever happen to you. If you want to get a new TV but can’t justify the purchase, turn on The God Channel and just wait for the first person in your house to walk past it and kick their foot into the screen. It’s repulsive.

For the most part, I’ve not experienced much of this “prosperity Gospel” in the UK but for some reason it seems to rear it’s ugly head when depression is mentioned.

A while ago I was talking with someone from my old church who told me that depression “so isn’t from God.” And that he knew a guy who had depression for years, had counselling and was on pills, but nothing worked until one day he prayed about it and ‘poof’ it went away. Well, well done that guy for clearly using the secret prayer code that I was not familiar with.

Yet, most of the rhetoric around Christianity and depression does seem to flow around this idea that a depressed Christian is a Christian who is doing something wrong.

I have, since arriving at Oxford, had conversations with some extremely intelligent Christians who are heavily involved within the Christian Union and yet who still genuinely believe that suicide is a sin. I do not only theologically disagree with this, but I also feel it is an indescribably damaging and dangerous idea.

I should state firmly I do not think this is the view of all or probably even the majority of Christians.

I have also been lucky to have met a lot of really lovely Christians who were really keen for me to come to Church again now I was at university and who thankfully have more helpful attitudes towards the illness. Some in particular have been incredibly supportive of me and encouraging of utilising the professional help on offer within Oxford. It still hasn’t undone the damage of my previous experiences though. I still feel uncomfortable in churches.

Depression is a real and serious problem that for most people won’t just go away with prayer and a few Hallelujahs. For me, it only went away with counselling but by that point I had felt abandoned, blamed, hurt and had sworn off churches. Depression and all mental health issues need to be better understood and not stigmatised. Whilst we are making progress, this is unfortunately just as true in the place where many people seek refuge as it is in the rest of society.