Dafydd MacLennan week 3: Shit Spanish students say

One of the most popular options for the year abroad is teaching English in your host country, which is what I chose to do during my time here in Barcelona. I just finished working at a language academy for adults and now I work part time at an after-school academy teaching 12-14 year olds. You know, the age when the spots come through and they’re just learning how to become little shits.

People often describe teaching English abroad with the clichés; “a deeply rewarding experience”, “a wonderful cultural journey”. Although it can be a great experience, once you’ve explained that the plural of person is not persons for the millionth time and you’ve repeated the word “sausage” so many times that it’s lost all meaning, you start to think otherwise.

But one thing that is rewarding about this job is the amount of ridiculous shit that I hear from my students on a daily basis. Some of them are innocent linguistic faux-pas and others show slightly worrying political points of view. So with the contribution of some of my fellow teachers I thought I’d share a few hilarious nuggets with you:

 

Teacher: What’s the most bizarre food you’ve ever eaten?

Student: Poo

 

Teacher: What did you do this weekend?

Student: I went to the birthday party of my nipple.

Teacher: ???

(She meant to say niece)

 

Teacher: Where are you from?

Student: Bilbao

Teacher: Do you like Barcelona?

Student: No, is dirty

Teacher: What about Madrid?

Student: No, is dirty

Teacher: The Canary Islands?

Student: ¡Ay no, is so dirty!

 

(Same student)

Teacher: I went to Valencia this weekend.

Student: I no like Valencia.

Teacher: Why?

Student: Is dirty

 

Teacher: What do you think will happen if Catalonia doesn’t get independence in November?

Student: Well, one of two things will happen: either we will get over it and move on, or…. you know …. Ukraine.

 

Student: ¡¿You go to Oxford?! ¡¿Why you here in this shit hole teaching us?!

 

Student: I no like people from South America, they’re stoopid. You think the same about the Americans ¿no?

 

Same student: Portuguese women all have moustaches.

 

Teacher: Why did you enjoy The Wolf of Wall Street?

Student: Because of all the hoes and bitches.

 

Student: ¿Where are you from?

Teacher: I’m from Wales

Student: ¿eh?

Teacher: Gales (Gales is Spanish for Wales)

Student: Ah, you mean Gay-les ….. ¿is in London no?

 

Teacher: Hi my name is Dafydd, can you tell me a bit about yourself?

Student (of relatively low level): ¡joder! (fuck!)

Teacher: What is your name?

Same student: ¡No, too hard!

 

Teacher: I don’t eat meat

Student: So you are a vegetable

 

Student: I am from Madrid, I think Catalan people are bitches.

Another student: I am from Barcelona, I think people from Madrid are bitches.

 

Teacher : The national sport of Wales is Rugby, what is the national sport of Spain?

Student: Sleeping

Teacher: Ok what is the national sport of Catalonia?

Student: Complaining.

 

Although not from a student, a friend received a tinder message saying: “Send me materials for hand job.”

These are just a few of the gems that help get me through an eight hour shift when I’m getting payed 2€ an hour. However I should say in these students’ defence, I’m sure I come out with just as much ridiculous shit when I’m speaking Spanish. I once forgot the Spanish word for coconut and ended up asking for a poo. Just to prove that learning a language is hard and often has hilarious consequences.

All in this together: A tribute to my fellow teachers.