Best Clubbers: May Day special
The world’s most talented young minds go harder, better, faster, longer for the year’s biggest middle class all-nighter.
Dan OliverThe long awaited return of Best Clubbers is finally here, and this instalment sees Oxford’s finest out in full force, celebrating the ancient tradition of May Day with pitiful attempts at pulling, narcotic-induced facial expressions a frightening succession of shit lids.
I’m not quite sure what the clubs were thinking this year in terms of themes; what ‘Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory’ and ‘Moulin Rouge’ have to do with May Day is beyond me.
Although, I like to think such themes embody the personality of each club. Wahoo – too much makes you sick, designed for small children, better on drugs. Camera – full of debauchery, lots of seductive dancing, don’t bring your parents.
#1
Prom King & Queen
#2
Oompa loompa doopity doo, I want to take a bite out of you
#3
Prince Harry looking a little ropey these days following the break-up.
#4
‘They only had it in small’ Disclaimer: personality not included.
#5
Banter Squadron recruitment programme going well.
#6
One in the hand is worth two in the bush but two in the hand seems to be working just fine
Omg guys, Jacob Elordi is going to Oxford University in October to study English
Lydia Spencer-ElliottHe fell in love with the campus while filming Saltburn
Oxford Uni lecturer stalked by man who flew 4,000 miles to her with a can of pepper spray
Emily SmithHe sent his bags to her office and wanted her to ‘be his Valentine’
Oxford Uni chaplain who compared sex offenders to ‘puppies needing training’ given welfare role
He asked one student assault victim if they were ‘aware of the effect they had on men’, but has now secured a post at another college
These are the subjects you need to study at Oxbridge to more than double your grad salary
In one subject, studying it at Oxbridge over any other uni will get you £47k more per year
Oxford University College offers students a Halal menu option but it includes… red wine
One student said she was ‘sadly not surprised’ at the mistake
Two of Emma Watson’s lecturers at The University of Oxford have successfully sued the uni
Emma Watson studies on Oxford’s creative writing course
So, people are rinsing Oxford students for dancing at a ball and it’s low-key really mean
A Ceilidh is a huge part of Scottish culture
Oxford University Vice-Chancellor with £232k salary says grads should be donating to their uni
Was my £9k a year not enough!
Two of Emma Watson’s lecturers at Oxford are suing the university for unfair dismissal
The lecturers also compared their situation to the Post Office scandal
Oxford uni called ‘patronising’ for job advice despite banning its students from working
Oxford’s policy on part-time jobs reads: ‘Term-time employment is not permitted except under exceptional circumstances’
Students from two Oxford colleges are throwing Saltburn themed parties this term
One of them is Felix and Oliver’s actual college from the film
Students at University of Oxford housed in four-star hotels due to a lack of accommodation
One of the hotels costs up to £150 a night and has an indoor pool and spa
A professor at the University of Oxford has told students to use ChatGPT for essays
The economics students were told AI ‘should help you produce a much better essay’
Oxford students forced to sleep in queues for over 24 hours to sign uni accommodation
‘It was absolutely freezing, I’m wearing three jumpers right now’
All the Oxford on campus filming locations where Emerald Fennell shot Saltburn
Harrison BrocklehurstStudents literally loaned their actual dorm rooms to the production team
BBC denies allegations of antisemitism on University Challenge due to octopus mascot and Palestinian flag colours
‘We utterly condemn the abuse that has been posted and shared’
Oxford student found escort waiting in their room booked by the university
The student found a ‘woman sitting on [their] bed in a lingerie robe’ in their hotel room
So, some Oxford Colleges actually have a chalet students can visit and it’s big Tory vibes
Rah Bartholomew are you coming to the College chalet this year?
Katie Hopkins is speaking at the Oxford Union this term and shock, no one wants her
She’s going to be debating… veganism?
Oxford College asks students to sleep on mattresses in shared rooms due to RAAC in halls
Not really the Oxford dark-academia dream you signed up for is it?
All the savage Matty Healy lyrics Taylor Swift sings on The Tortured Poets Department
‘They shake their heads and say God help her when I tell them he’s my man’
Richard Gadd speaks about how similar Baby Reindeer’s Martha actually is to his real stalker
Phoebe KowhaiShe did actually send him over 41,071 emails and leave 350 hours of voicemails
Student at £43,000 a year private school ‘smashed the skulls’ of two students with hammer
The 17-year-old also tried to kill a teacher in ‘horrific attack’
Ellie Ring
What have Timothy and Lucinda been up to since their MAFS Australia 2024 homestay fight?
They’re still besties!
Here’s where to watch Richard Gadd next if you’re obsessed with Netflix’s Baby Reindeer
He’s in a police show with Stephen Graham!
Digs at Davide to Lorraine Kelly drama: What Ekin-Su has been up to since Celeb Big Brother
Iona MacRobertShe’s been in the headlines a lot lately
After their tense homestay, are Jack and Tori still together after MAFS Australia 2024?
I need answers immediately
Yikes! A snippet of Taylor Swift’s new album has allegedly leaked and people are SLATING it
‘We declared Charlie Puth should be a bigger artist’ is an actual lyric
Inside the life of Walton Goggins, the Fallout ghoul everyone is weirdly crushing on
Lily ColdstreamYes, it’s possible to thirst after a man who looks like a carved pumpkin
What has Andrea been up to since leaving MAFS Australia 2024 with her head held high?
She’s living her best life
Love Island’s Zach goes on huge rant about girls ‘wearing nothing’ and ‘selling themselves’
‘People really out here selling themselves for some views/likes’
So, here’s the real reason why Martha calls Donny Baby Reindeer
The show is named after the pet name Martha actually called him in real life
Lauren from MAFS Australia has been spotted on a night out getting close to her ex again
There’s picture evidence!!!
Producers forced Tim to bring up cheating scandal again on homestays for more MAFS drama
And edited their homestays to ‘look worse than it actually was’
‘Shameful’: Sydney Sweeney savagely claps back at claims she ‘is not pretty and can’t act’
‘How sad that a woman in the position to share her expertise and experience chooses instead to attack another woman’
OMG! The viral four lads in jeans are back and the jeans got… baggy
It’s been five years since the first picture was posted!
Lizz claims she’s no longer friends with Jack after Tori ‘forbid’ them seeing each other
And apparently even tried to get Lizz fired?!
Definitively ranking all the episodes of Fallout series one from worst to best
Kind of like picking your favourite child