‘Crew date mega hub’ planned in Oxford Castle

Venues to combine into crewdating dynasty?


In a move that will change the face of crewdating in Oxford forever, Arzoo’s and the Big Bang have today unveiled plans for a 400-seater ‘crewdate hub’ at Oxford Castle.

The new initiative, which will include an expansion into several premises in the Castle currently occupied by other businesses, will provide crewdaters with what sources claim will be “the ultimate crew-dating experience”.

A beautiful future.

Arzoo’s (formerly Jamal’s) has long been a staple of crewdates in Jericho, while the Big Bang returned to central Oxford in 2012 after a stint on Brookes’s Headington campus.

With the benefits afforded by location and reputation, the new operation is expected to take the crewdating world by storm.

These fine gentlemen may never leave.

The combined premises will have everything already on offer at the two restaurants, with the added benefits of generous corkage policies, regular light music by current undergraduates (Oxford BNOC Joe Miles is rumoured to be involved), and a custom lavatory setup to better serve the needs of rowing and rugby teams.

While the plan will require approval from Oxford City Council, well-connected sources tell The Tab that they’re “quietly confident” of gaining councillors’ approval.

You can almost smell the enthusiasm.

They told us: “The layout of the castle makes it much easier for police to monitor crewdaters and prevent any incidents.”

“It’s much better than having them everywhere from Park End to Cowley.”

Oxford sports captains we’ve talked to have been generally favourable about the move. One college football captain said: “It’s great. Bigger crewdates, more girls, and I love the prospect of Indian-style sausage serving.”

Others expressed caution. A rowing captain told us: “Having one good venue is a bad idea. What happens when you innocently chunder on a girl and get barred from the place?”

“I’m not a fresher anymore; I’m not spending my nights out in Babylove.”

The horrors of crewdate exclusion.

The move has left other popular crewdate venues scrambling for ideas. At Thai are considering offering Korean BBQ, Mirch Masala have reportedly put an order in for complementary bespoke pennies, and, most drastically of all, Bombay are considering a similar merger with the Londis next door.

Oxford welfare counsellors were unavailable for comment.

Check the date guys…