Why Oxford sport is shit

MAX BRAY tells us why playing sports in Oxford sucks unless you’re really bloody good or don’t care about matches never happening

college sports i hate sports OUAFC ourfc oxford oxford football oxford sports sports why sports are shit

I am distinctly average at sports, and definitely not alone in this. I realised at about 12 years old that I wouldn’t ever play for my county or country in anything, but that never stopped me from regularly picking up a rugby ball to be mauled by 15 creatine filled teenagers or hoofing a football down a pitch in a less aggressive but often more humiliating atmosphere.

Even when my mediocrity meant I wasn’t picked for teams, was ritually embarrassed by my more genetically fortunate contemporaries or wasn’t allowed to wear OURFC stash 24/7 (it appears if you possess any you HAVE to wear it at all hours) I kept playing, because I love sports. I know that like my mediocrity I am not alone in this either.

Rugby: bloody great if you’re one of the bloody blokes

This wish to play is what I think oxford really fails to cater for. Yes we generally have around three levels (1st / 2nd / 3rd team etc.) of official university sport, and there are the college leagues that provide a (MUCH) less intense alternative, but these seem to leave a massive gap for those, who like me, would be referred to as the ‘social sportsman’.

In a university of 10,000 students, having three official men’s football teams, four men’s rugby, three women’s hockey etc. means even the standard in the lower levels is quite high. By contrast, the standard of college sports varies immensely depending on where you are, and at the lower levels is really quite poor. Moreover, as a Somervillian, this term we played no men’s football before 6th week due to flooded pitches or poor turnout, and we have played two rugby matches all term.

Uni sports, all very well unless you aren’t really really good

This really pisses me off, especially having come from a school that even for the more physically challenged provided a training session and a game a week. I’m not advocating a pushy boarding school ethos of forced sports 4 times a week, but definitely think there’s a gap in the Oxford sports market for some lower level official university teams. These would allow those of us with only one and a half left feet, and a wish to keep mildly fit without having to run alone or (god forbid) row to have some fun, to kick/throw/headbutt some balls and meet some like minded individuals. So come on Oxford, sort your shit out, or be ready to watch my steady decline into obesity.