The best places to cry in Oxford

Whether its weeping about work, a breakup, feminism, or the part you didn’t get in a play it’s an undisputed fact that Oxford students love a good cry. Moreover, Valentine’s day is this friday, so there’s plenty more emotional angst forecast for the coming weeks. We’ve chosen the best places to cry in Oxford, so you can focus on the tears.

1. The Lower Gladstone Link

Potentially the most miserable place in the world, the Lower Link combines a sterile hospital waiting room style environment with day-glow lighting that would give you the same feeling of hatred come rain or shine. Rumour has it people have been lost down there for days, stuck between the stacks weeping like brogue wearing, button down shirted moaning myrtles.

In the Lower Gladstone Link, no one can hear you scream

2. The Bridge of Sighs

Everyone knows the bridge as one of the best places to crash your bike into a group of unaware Japanese tourists. A lesser known fact is that it’s also a prime spot for public weeping. While looking up to take shitty iPhone pictures of what is essentially a block of concrete between two buildings, no one ever looks down – so missing your tear stained snotty face and allowing you some miserable respite.

They had no idea we were in the photo, honest.

3. Exam Schools

What better place is there to show your abject misery to the world than the place all Oxford students at some point in their degree wish to burn down. Home of forced learning, an incomprehensible layout and the final judgement, Exam Schools are an ideal spot for lamentation of all kinds.

It looks like something out of Brideshead, but feels a lot more like Belmarsh

4. Christchurch Meadow

The meadow is a beautiful spot in Summer, home of the picnic, 5-a-side kick about and afternoon session of getting stoned. At the moment however it more closely resembles a lake, and with the moody lighting in the afternoons provides a brilliant spot to stare at your reflection, philosophise, have a quick existential crisis and be back in time for dinner.

Misery has never felt so arty

5. Cornmarket on a weekend

There is nothing more hateful than Cornmarket on the weekend. Hordes of people descend on the shopping mecca, like a slice of consumer capitalism force fed into the mouth of our beautiful city. As with the bridge however, they are generally too busy watching the street performers or arguing outside Primark to notice you breaking down in public.

Cornmarket, a 24/7 haven for public misery. Particularly depressing on weekends.

6. Next to a Limousine

This one arose during the making of this article, but it was accepted by the team that there are few things more hateful than a limousine with flashing lights down the side. Short of actually getting inside, this is the closest we could get to the zenith of self-loathing.

Advertising unintentional. Misery deliberate.

7. The Lift in Wahoo

Wahoo is much like marmite, sticky and difficult to get off your clothes. It is scientifically proven that no one there ever has any idea what is going on, and a good portion of them are either currently crying or will do at some point during the night, making Oxford’s favourite friday night haunt a prime location for shedding some face water.

Unfortunately the lift was out of order when we went for a picture, so you’ll just have to imagine us huddled in a ball in the corner of the dank closet-like space mourning the loss of something relatively inconsequential.

8. Up St. Mary’s tower

The view from the tower of the church of St Mary the Virgin is actually really great, and we couldn’t resist puns about crying when you’re high or getting up St Mary, so this one made the list. A good spot to reflect on life, if you don’t mind the tourist groups at five minute intervals.

Matt got really really really high in Oxford, and that made him sad.