7 Reasons I hate science students

Who gives a shit about labs?

It seems to me that every time someone takes the piss out a subject that it’s the arts students who are the butt of the joke. I’m tired of accusations that we don’t do enough work or that our subject isn’t worthwhile. To be honest, I’ve got my fair share of problems with the science students. Here’s some reasons why they ruffle my feathers:


Firstly, when I get up at 11am and they’re already working in the library it makes me look bad. I should be able to get my beauty sleep without feeling guilt-tripped into revision. If I want to stay in my pyjamas and read poetry until lunchtime then I should be able to.

Scientists are a bunch of clocks


They strut around comfortably with the prospect of getting a job thanks to their employable degree whilst we weep into out books and practise standing in the dole line.


Biologists always insist on explaining the intricacies of bodily functions (normally over dinner) of which I have no wish to be enlightened. I don’t want to hear about the peristaltic movement of the gut when I am trying to eat a bagel, thank you very much.

Rivers of science


When you try to escape for a solitary cigarette, they recount the statistical probability that smokers die younger, backed up with an anecdote about that black lung they once dissected in a labs session.

What is Iffy short for?


They don’t stop whinging about contact hours and lab time. Boo hoo! Just because I have less contact hours doesn’t mean I’m not doing anything productive; my artsy mind needs time to absorb the world. When I’m sat in the JCR that’s not because I’m relaxing – it’s because I’m contemplating the mysteries of life and other deep philosophical questions. Honest.


They aren’t at the bar often enough. The reason we drink so much isn’t because we’re lazy but rather that it helps the creative process. You should really try it some time.

Who said scientists don’t like drinking?


They can get upwards of eighty-five percent in collections and prelims. If we got above eighty-five in a collection our essay would be ready for publishing. Now that’s just not fair.

Disagree with Steve?  Are you a scientist but also a part-time legend?  Full time booze-hound?  Captain of chat? Email [email protected] if you would like to write a response.