What You Should Think About Cocaine in the Bod

Scandalised by news of coke in the Bod? You’re just annoyed that nobody has involved you in one of their library benders.

The Cherwell’s recent rehashing of a toy chemistry set exposé has bought an important issue to the fore.

Amateur cocaine testing kits revealed positive tests for the drug in six out of ten tested Oxford locations; including the Bod and Rad Cam amongst them.

It comes just after Jane4Chang’s controversial campaign that was unfortunately overshadowed last term by Trup’s landslide.

What Jane4Chang’s running and the sudden discovery of mounds of Charlie on every toilet seat between the SSL and the Union reveal is a shift in the zeitgeist that shouldn’t be ignored.

This essay’s looking pretty beaut

Balancing a bit of blow with your cocktail of caffeine, Modafinil, and horny goat weed is now a well appreciated strategy that is being exploited by many of our contemporaries. It gives you unheard of confidence in your essay’s tenuous arguments and a strong single minded ambition coupled with the inability to sleep, so the Tab has been told.

The exposé also did a representative study which reported that 13 (2% of 650) people had used heroine in the last year. Multiplying this out to the university would suggest that there are 236.64 undergraduate heroin users ! Heroin is of far less benefit to essay writing and has the added risks associated with intravenous use, so this is the true issue that we should be concerned with.

Here Burroughs argues that heroin has creative benefits too

What if there really is such pervasive coke usage through Oxford? Who are you to judge? Enough of that holier than thou attitude. You’re just annoyed that nobody has involved you in one of their library benders.

The University’s official line (heh) on the cocaine was one of “concern” even going as far to suggest that you seek support from OUSU. But how many people who are obviously coked up to their gills have you ever seen fluttering around the Radcam? This is labeled as substance abuse but is in reality more a case of moderate a controlled usage. These are pros and while they did probably score “mostly Ds” in the Tabs recent social profiling quiz they’re not hurting anyone and just because cocaine is expensive doesn’t mean you can justify reverse snobbery.

Of course there are the legalities to consider but if any institution is going to champion the idea of rebranding potentially useful psychoactive drugs it should be us and maybe if you take the piss enough the serious issue of the government’s backward drug policy will be questioned just that little bit more.