Coke-fiends in the Bod

Oxford students’ unquenchable appetite for cocaine has recently been revealed, demonstrating that cocaine has been used in a variety of locations around the university.

In their study, The Cherwell found traces of cocaine in:

• The Old Bod
• The Oxford Union
• The Radcliffe Camera
• The Manor Road Building
• Ruskin School of Fine Art
• Oxford University Language Centre

These results compound on studies from previous years, which found traces of cocaine in the OUSU building and the Oxford Union.

According to projections, the Rad Cam will be filled entirely with coke by this time next year.

A spokesperson for the Oxford Union said, “Any form of drug use on the premises of the Oxford Union constitutes serious misconduct and is absolutely not tolerated. As the buildings are open to all members and their guests, and are often hired out, there is a possibility that such instances could occur, despite the fact that there are always security staff on our premises. If an incident involving drug use is discovered, it is taken extremely seriously, and we co-operate closely with the police on the issue.”

Ede and Ravenscroft is apparently considering opening up a cocaine dealership to meet growing demand.

David Rigg, the founder of the company selling the drug-detection technology told The Cherwell: “It has been (wrongly) suggested in the past that a) the cocaine ‘blew in’ from the outside and was deposited on the surface and b) cocaine has been deposited by placing a bank note on a surface.

“Our swabs are designed to work at milligram levels of cocaine, so a substantial amount must have been present on the surface initially. The presence of cocaine on banknotes are recorded at nanogram levels which would not ‘trip’ the chemistry of the swab.”