Merton College unveils plans to rock the kasbah

And by ‘kasbah’, we mean ‘accommodation’. And by ‘rock’, we mean ‘build more’.


Not to be outdone by the Maths Department, Merton College has entered into a game of one-upmanship by revealing plans to build space for not one or two, but nearly three hundred new students.

The new block, to be built near the Cherwell, is to be up to four storeys high, dropping down to three in some areas.

City Councillor Mark Mills told the Oxford Times: “This is a sensitive area in conservation terms and we need to consider the impact on the existing residents.”

“We will look carefully at the details of the plans when they are eventually submitted.”

Holywell Ward Councillor Mark Mills, attempting to charm a snake.

The Merton JCR president said: “With the scarce details currently available I don’t think I can give a comment on this.

“But, generally, increasing the amount of student accommodation available is always a good idea in a town such as Oxford where housing prices are incredibly high.”

Apparently, Mertonians are withheld food if they get less than 85% on collections.

Mertonians were themselves unavailable for comment, due to all of them refusing to come out of the library and talk to us.