The best of Oxford offer day
These guys are three a-levels away from being in your JCR from October
About a week ago dreams were made and broken. The ‘I’m just so glad I’ve made it this far’ no-hopers, who spent their time at interview brown-nosing current students, have received their rejection letters; habitual readers of the Daily Mail spout their typical bigotry and nurse the chips on their shoulders.
Perhaps a few lucky youngsters have got their filthy, undeserving mitts on an offer. In any case, they’ve certainly had something to say about it.
Here are the different kinds of tweets you can expect to see:
The Humble Brag
I got a offer from Hogwarts… wait no I meant Oxford 😀
— Molly Willett (@molly_willett) January 8, 2014
Banter… Poor chat and an apparent lack of enthusiasm is never appreciated when announcing to the world probably your biggest success to date. You knew you were going to land it, as did everyone else – big whoop. Enjoy the six favourites your flaccid tweet has earned.
The Best Mate
Well don’t to @Rose_Fallon for getting an offer at oxford and Cambridge today xoxox knew you could do it
— Gemma Fallon (@Gemma_fallon) January 8, 2014
There’s a reason she’s going and not you. Riddled with spelling errors, this tweet evidences just the one triumph for the education system – her friend.
The Joyous Reject
Oxford have finally updated my rejection on track so I can finally firm Southampton yayay
— Meghan (@MeghaaanW) January 8, 2014
Yay!!! I bet she couldn’t contain her excitement as she pulled that rejection letter from its envelope. Imagine the expression of pure ecstasy on her face as she paraded it around the house! In all seriousness, she will need dentures after composing that tweet from gritting her teeth so hard.
See you in October!
I’m ecstatic about getting an Oxford offer though! Things haven’t turned out exactly how I planned them but I’m still over the moon =)
— sunnysomeone (@sunnysomeone) January 8, 2014
The context of this abomination is that her mate didn’t get in and has to tragically accept an offer from Durham instead. Oh the humanity… She’ll champion the idea of ‘Doxbridge’ for about a week before forgetting about him completely, embroiled in a chat about kettles and rice cookers on the freshers’ Facebook page. On the bright side, it looks like the Union isn’t going to be short of duplicitous fodder for its committee next Michaelmas.
Omg guys, Jacob Elordi is going to Oxford University in October to study English
Lydia Spencer-ElliottHe fell in love with the campus while filming Saltburn
Oxford Uni lecturer stalked by man who flew 4,000 miles to her with a can of pepper spray
Emily SmithHe sent his bags to her office and wanted her to ‘be his Valentine’
Oxford Uni chaplain who compared sex offenders to ‘puppies needing training’ given welfare role
He asked one student assault victim if they were ‘aware of the effect they had on men’, but has now secured a post at another college
These are the subjects you need to study at Oxbridge to more than double your grad salary
In one subject, studying it at Oxbridge over any other uni will get you £47k more per year
Oxford University College offers students a Halal menu option but it includes… red wine
One student said she was ‘sadly not surprised’ at the mistake
Two of Emma Watson’s lecturers at The University of Oxford have successfully sued the uni
Emma Watson studies on Oxford’s creative writing course
So, people are rinsing Oxford students for dancing at a ball and it’s low-key really mean
A Ceilidh is a huge part of Scottish culture
Oxford University Vice-Chancellor with £232k salary says grads should be donating to their uni
Was my £9k a year not enough!
Two of Emma Watson’s lecturers at Oxford are suing the university for unfair dismissal
The lecturers also compared their situation to the Post Office scandal
Oxford uni called ‘patronising’ for job advice despite banning its students from working
Oxford’s policy on part-time jobs reads: ‘Term-time employment is not permitted except under exceptional circumstances’
Students from two Oxford colleges are throwing Saltburn themed parties this term
One of them is Felix and Oliver’s actual college from the film
Students at University of Oxford housed in four-star hotels due to a lack of accommodation
One of the hotels costs up to £150 a night and has an indoor pool and spa
A professor at the University of Oxford has told students to use ChatGPT for essays
The economics students were told AI ‘should help you produce a much better essay’
Oxford students forced to sleep in queues for over 24 hours to sign uni accommodation
‘It was absolutely freezing, I’m wearing three jumpers right now’
All the Oxford on campus filming locations where Emerald Fennell shot Saltburn
Harrison BrocklehurstStudents literally loaned their actual dorm rooms to the production team
BBC denies allegations of antisemitism on University Challenge due to octopus mascot and Palestinian flag colours
‘We utterly condemn the abuse that has been posted and shared’
Oxford student found escort waiting in their room booked by the university
The student found a ‘woman sitting on [their] bed in a lingerie robe’ in their hotel room
So, some Oxford Colleges actually have a chalet students can visit and it’s big Tory vibes
Rah Bartholomew are you coming to the College chalet this year?
Katie Hopkins is speaking at the Oxford Union this term and shock, no one wants her
She’s going to be debating… veganism?
Oxford College asks students to sleep on mattresses in shared rooms due to RAAC in halls
Not really the Oxford dark-academia dream you signed up for is it?
Inside Baby Reindeer star Richard Gadd’s life: The real man who the show is also based on
He’s a writer on Sex Education
One year on, this is what the cast of Race Across the World series three is up to now
Phoebe KowhaiThe cast all still hang out and refer to each other as best friends
Snowboarding instructor to a pilot: The day jobs of the Race Across the World season four cast
Emma GilesHere’s what they do when they aren’t trekking across Eastern Asia
OMG! Fallout has a real number you can call or text to get a secret easter egg
If you actually ring it, prepare to be terrified
Nose jobs to tattoos: Inside Gypsy Rose Blanchard’s hot girl summer life after break up
She just filed a restraining order against her husband
Top female Hollywood producer declares that Sydney Sweeney ‘is not pretty and can’t act’
Ellie RingShe described her rom-com film, Anyone But You, as ‘unwatchable’
Anton ‘wishes he never went back’ to the Love Island villa and compared it to being in jail
‘I wish I never went back there’
Just five reasons why our spiritual queen Lucinda deserved better on MAFS Australia 2024
Give this woman the world
Here’s how Lucinda from MAFS Australia actually found out about Timothy’s criminal past
‘One mistake doesn’t define who you are today’
Who was Llewellyn Harrison? The man episode six of Baby Reindeer is dedicated to
He had a huge role on the show
Gypsy Rose Blanchard divorced Ryan after a fight over his ‘food hoarding and snoring’
He apparently buys and keeps food in bulk and Gypsy wasn’t feeling it
The plot thickens! Gypsy Rose Blanchard’s husband has now filed a restraining BACK at her
She already issued a restraining order against him and is demanding spousal support
Lucinda and Timothy had to be separated on MAFS Australia after he ‘refused’ to be filmed
And their final picnic lasted just eight minutes
MAFS Australia 2024 couple who made it to final vows and reunion announce shock split
‘The person I chose didn’t choose me’
The first rumoured Love Island 2024 contestant is here and she’s a 19 year old nepo baby
She does look very vibey tbf
Eden says Jayden knew she wasn’t ‘missing’ from homestays and slams him for fake storyline
She was in constant communication with him about her whereabouts
Amazon’s Fallout finally answers mystery fans of the game have wanted to know for years
A gap in the nuclear apocalypse lore has been filled
Prepare to have your head absolutely SPINNING with this viral car optical illusion
Ready to throw my phone out of a window
