The best of Oxford offer day

These guys are three a-levels away from being in your JCR from October


About a week ago dreams were made and broken.  The ‘I’m just so glad I’ve made it this far’ no-hopers, who spent their time at interview brown-nosing current students, have received their rejection letters; habitual readers of the Daily Mail spout their typical bigotry and nurse the chips on their shoulders.

Perhaps a few lucky youngsters have got their filthy, undeserving mitts on an offer. In any case, they’ve certainly had something to say about it.

Here are the different kinds of tweets you can expect to see:

The Humble Brag

Banter… Poor chat and an apparent lack of enthusiasm is never appreciated when announcing to the world probably your biggest success to date. You knew you were going to land it, as did everyone else – big whoop. Enjoy the six favourites your flaccid tweet has earned.

The Best Mate

There’s a reason she’s going and not you. Riddled with spelling errors, this tweet evidences just the one triumph for the education system – her friend.

The Joyous Reject

Yay!!! I bet she couldn’t contain her excitement as she pulled that rejection letter from its envelope. Imagine the expression of pure ecstasy on her face as she paraded it around the house! In all seriousness, she will need dentures after composing that tweet from gritting her teeth so hard.

See you in October!

The context of this abomination is that her mate didn’t get in and has to tragically accept an offer from Durham instead. Oh the humanity… She’ll champion the idea of ‘Doxbridge’ for about a week before forgetting about him completely, embroiled in a chat about kettles and rice cookers on the freshers’ Facebook page. On the bright side, it looks like the Union isn’t going to be short of duplicitous fodder for its committee next Michaelmas.