Overheard in Oxford: Boris is Back

In a surprising upset, Boris Johnson has been named the winner of the recent election to find new assistant administrators of the Overheard at Oxford University (OaOU) page. 

Who actually votes in these things?

According to official statistics the election was a huge landslide for Boris, collecting 80% of the vote.

The results of the voting system mean that Boris will have to form a coalition with James Johnson, who himself only won 11% of the vote, in order to control a majority.

This is a surprising departure from late exit polling data, which suggested that voters were going to eschew a Westminster-style government in favour of a monarchical dictatorship, run entirely by Joe Miles.

Style Diaries: Day 1

A spokesman for Mr. Miles has confirmed that Boris and James have been invited to form an administration, although The Tab understands that negotiations are underway between the two parties to resolve ideological differences.

However, in an EXCLUSIVE interview with The Tab, Miles said: “I am pleased to announce that I have invited [the unrelated] Boris and James Johnson to form a coalition government”, going on to add that the aims of the administration would be to “bring peace, prosperity, and [to] defend the realm from tiresome ‘lad banter’.”

Johnson matriculating

Speaking on the morning of his victory, minor partner James Johnson of Brasenose College said that he wishes to “live up to the burden placed upon my shoulders”, adding “I strongly believe that the Johnson-Johnson coalition will deliver a new age of hope for the Overheard at Oxford University page.”

Mayor of London, Boris Johnson, was sadly unavailable for comment.