Clubbing Guide to Oxford

This isn’t Cancun, freshers.

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Looking for some big nights out this term?  Not sure where to go because you’re from Basingstoke?  Don’t worry, The Tab has got it covered.

Whilst Fresher’s Week may give you a vague idea of where Wahoo is, here we will make sure you don’t confuse the Bullingdon Arms with the Bullingdon Club, Parkend with the botanical gardens and Clem’s with….well, don’t go to Clem’s ever.  This is our Fresher’s Clubbing Guide.

Bridge

Big on a Thursday, you’ll inevitably end up at Bridge one week this term, if not all 8. Spread over two floors with both playing club bangers onto greasy dancefloors, there appears to be nothing special about this place.

Filling up

Yet Bridge is often full by 11pm on Thursdays, with late arrivals being sent to wait in the purgatory of their ‘official pre-bar’, Anuba, which seems to exclusively play 2007’s biggest hits.

Bridge’s smoking area is big, even if it is by the bins, and they have a VIP area which anyone can get into – it just has more expensive drinks and means you can party with the coked-up anti-ballers sitting at the tables.

Cellar

Found next to the Union-owned club ‘Purple Turtle’, the two places couldn’t be more different.

That will be £16

Whilst PTs is a brightly coloured drunken pissfest, Cellar is dark, dank and apparently fucking cool. Its low ceilings give it an intimate feel, whilst their music ranges from dub to reggae to house.

Expect a pretty hip crowd here sipping on expensive cans of Red Stripe and a door policy that varies from very strict to adult travelcards.

Carbon:

Carbon professes to have the best sound system in Oxford – sadly few get to experience this as not many people really go there.

Enticing?

It’s hot, small and the smoke machines are a genuine health hazard. However, if you are feeling bold it does occasionally have some decent house nights. One friend proclaimed the May Day he spent there to be “the best night of his life” (dubious).

Anyway, take solace in the fact that Carbon does have a stripper pole – it used to be a strip club and you can tell as soon as you walk in.

Lava Ignite aka Park End aka Shark End:

A friend once told me that he could determine the awfulness of a club by the fact it contains carpet. Park End contains a lot of carpet.

World’s most inaccurate acronym

It does however have a seemingly infinite amount of music genres to choose from so perhaps somewhere between cheese and, uh, more cheese you will have some fun.

Also, take no note of the rumours that Park End is the club-de-choix of the Oxford Blues player as this is pure slander. You would find more athleticism at the Oxford contract bridge society than you would here.

Don’t be fooled by this look of sophistication

Camera:

As an uninitiated fresher, going to Camera on my first night in Oxford wasn’t an encouraging start. The floor is cracked and the drinks are expensive.

The circular structure (hence “Camera”) also perfectly complements the circular nature of the DJ mixes as they seem to play the same songs over and over again. However, if your aim on a night out is to get with a member of the Pembroke Rugby team, every evening spent there will be a success.

The O2 Academy

Far into Cowley, the 02 used to merely attract a curious mix of Brookes students, local pillheads and the occasional post-bop Oxford nutter.

All that has changed in the last couple of years, though, with major acts like Disclosure, Annie Mac and Blue (actually) beinging a far more mainstream crowd.

A nice break from the bullet finger brigades of Camera and Parkend, the 02 offers genuinely good music, properly sticky floors and well produced shows.

Coming to town laydies