Loveless Leticia on the cusp of love?

I have been somewhat remiss in writing my column over the past few weeks. Sadly, this is not due to a whirlwind romance by which I have been overcome; in fact there has been a distinct lack of excitement of any kind (not THAT surprising, given my 20 year continuing failure).

Not doing it for Leticia

I did manage to proposition two separate people, entirely accidentally, feeling no stirring of emotion for either of them. One was a rower- I KNOW, I will try to do better next time. Particularly after my experience in Camera last weekend, when I discovered that rowers are just as annoying when drunk as when sober.

The full force of their unbalanced yet outlandishly muscly (i.e. heavy) and startlingly tall frame is apt to come crashing down upon one’s poor delicate feet.

Anyhow, he was just discussing his college, and I really wanted to know what room he had, and was very persistent in asking PRECISELY where that might be. This was the peak of all the excitement that occurred to me last week. I told you it was boring.

‘So, er, your place or mine?’

The other one was also a rower, and wanted to be a priest. I simply asked him whether he had a specific wife in mind when he said he preferred Anglicans because they can get married. Unfortunately, this seemed to work as a method of seduction, and he spent the whole night following me round reminding me of this comment and insisting on awkward selfies in Camera.

In other news, Mr Finals is in fact NOT in a relationship with my friend. This would be great news, except for the fact that whilst he still laughs at my jokes I cannot work out whether he has ever considered me as anything other than a friend. I went for dinner at his college but it is all so ambiguous.

I wish someone would introduce a system of clear signposting as to interest and availability, but meanwhile I am left to interpret every minute detail: does the fact that he always runs off to the library mean he is totally uninterested or simply doing finals? Was the fact that he was keen to sit next to me because I was his guest or because he massively fancies me? GOSH. So complicated.

Meanwhile, it turns out that my Library Idol is also a finalist: another door slams emphatically shut. Although given the circumstances of our original meeting I think to perceive the door as ever having been opened might be pushing it somewhat…

So, to pastures new. Tonight I met a charming young man at a dinner, and once again attempted to use my famed humour to charm him in return. I should have realised by now this is not a technique that leads to success.

After chuckling mildly he sauntered away and avoided my presence with surprising effectiveness for the rest of the night, although I have just discovered that I may be seeing him at something tomorrow. Will persistence be rewarded? I might just play hard to get and ignore him – since we don’t know each other I’m not sure what impact this will have, but we shall see.