Everyone loves Subfusc

In 2006, 81% of students at Oxford voted to keep subfusc. Here’s why:


It’s difficult to know exactly why everyone loves subfusc so much.

Maybe it’s the hat. It might be completely useless and annoying but at least you can look forward to wearing it all the time after you graduate.

Just think how smug you’ll be at the bops you ironically attend. The fancy dress opportunities are endless:

Profs and Toffs; Profs and Boffs; Tutors and Profs; Dress as your Tutor; Back to school; Back to the future; Great minds of the 20th century.

I could go on for ages:

Famous Oxford alumni; The Films of Dustin Hoffman; Things beginning with the letter G, K, P, L, T, M, N, Q, or W…

Fuscing around.

A 2.2 might not get you a job but it still counts. And the freshers will be so dazzled by your graduate mystique that in the rush to bundle you up to their bedroom they probably won’t remember their own name, let alone ask you about your degree classification.

However, assuming it’s not the hat that makes subfusc such a slam-dunk, maybe it’s the cape.

When you’re late for an exam there’s nothing quite like cycling down High Street hunched over your handlebars with your robes flying behind you like a sweaty, low-budget batman.

Or it might be the nice white shirt that gets you going. You certainly can’t complain about the fine way it soaks up your perspiration every day until it resembles a wearable petri dish, solidifies, and has to be cut from you like a plaster cast.

Obviously there’s some subjective judgement involved but in terms of the all-time greatest forms of academic attire I think we can all agree that subfusc is well within the top 3. Depending if P.E kit is eligible.

At least you’re guaranteed pride of place on the Grandparents’ fireplace.

And whatever your view on the gender specificity of Oxford’s exam robes, surely you’re with me when I say the bow tie has to stay. Far more important than learning the last 118 elements of the periodic table 15 minutes before your exam is fumbling around in front of the mirror to check you’re looking nice and symmetrical for the proctors.

So versatile.

All in all subfusc is yet another glorious triumph of tradition over foolish common sense.

To Oxford.