St Catz under attackz

A student had a nasty surprise when an intruder entered the college

| UPDATED

A student from St Catz got the fright of their life last week when an unknown man attempted to enter their room at 5.30 am.

The intruder “repeatedly rattled their door before continuing to walk around the staircase”. The student called the porters, who then phoned the police.

The scene of the crime

In an email sent by the Deans the day after the incident, college members were advised to lock their doors at night, as a ‘sizeable majority’ currently leave them unlocked, and to save the phone number of the porter’s lodge in their phones in case of emergency.

Caroline Siebald, a student at St Catz, said: “[I am] not surprised given how open the college is, which is probably one of our greatest strengths but also, as we now see, one of our weaknesses.”

Another student, Grace Smith, said: “It’s scary to think that access was so easy, but the way it was handled was definitely promising.”

The police searched the area, but the man seemed to have disappeared without a trace…

However, after a thorough investigation by the Tab News Team, a shocking explanation for these events has been uncovered.

William Waynflete- known to ‘rattle’ his enemies…

It appears that the man in question was not actually an intruder, but the ghost of William Waynflete (founder of Magdalen College/ BNOC), seeking revenge in reaction to St Catz’ declaration of war against his beloved college.

Students have confirmed that “this is exactly the kind of thing he would do” and that “Will was a bit of a lad”.

Sources at Magdalen have also warned that the ghostly harassment is set to continue until a peace settlement is reached, and it has been rumoured that alumni such as Oscar Wilde and Thomas Wolsey have signed up to take part in the attacks.

St Catz student, May Anderson, responded to the news: “I’m shocked and appalled, appalled and shocked.”

How will St Catz (and their new allies) fight back against the supernatural and super-soft efforts from Magdalen so far?