What your valentine’s day underwear says about you

You’ve planned a three course, candle-lit dinner for your date who you greet with a single rose between your teeth. Not that this is a bad thing… a bit of modern-day chivalry never goes amiss.

In a desperate attempt to end your fourteen month dry spell you’ve opted for something different. Your past techniques have proved unsuccessful so now you’re experimenting with a new look. Your friends have convinced you that ‘chicks dig a sense of humour’, and you’re therefore ‘bound to score’.

Word of warning… by the end of the night you WILL be found propped against the bar at some seedy establishment, drinking your sorrows away. Either way, it’s clear you won’t be getting any.

You’ve gone too far. This reeks of, ‘I’m desperately trying to keep the spark alive’.

You love being single. Just because the shops are filled with over-sized teddy bears, cuddly ‘I love you’ hearts, and the couples around you whisper sweet nothings to one another, doesn’t mean you have to surround yourself with a host of cats and cry to Whitney Houston’s ‘I will always love you’. Sexy underwear isn’t only for those in a relationship. So whether you’re wearing that new bra to be seen or just to feel good, you’re working it.

If you’re in a relationship you’ve either forgotten about Valentine’s Day (unlikely), haven’t done that crucial laundry trip or need to reassess where your relationship is heading. There’s nothing wrong with sporting your boyfriend’s oversized shirt or a cute pair of hot pants, but the Granny pant is the arch nemesis of Valentine’s day.

If you’re single, then you will remain so. 

Your stage name is probably ‘The Stallion’ and you have an exotic STI.