Yes We Ham

Worcester JCR will tonight decide whether to admit a HAMSTER to its ranks.

2nd year PPE-ist Angus Barry was looking for a friend not a fight when he
brought the three month old Luka Barramazov to college as a pet, until the infamous Worcester Accommodations management team e-mailed Barry (the human) to say Barramazov (the hamster) had to go, as he may leave a “lingering scent in the room”.

However Barramazov has become incredibly popular at Worcester since arriving at the beginning of term, and no one has found any lingering smell at all.

According to 3rd Year historian Eleanor Bridger-Wilkinson, Barramazov is “the
sweetest, most charming rodent I’ve ever met – and that’s saying something!”

‘Abrahamster Lincoln’ seeking his own emancipation

As a result, Barry has proposed a JCR motion  to:

1) Admit Luka to the Worcester JCR as its first ever non-human honorary member.

2) Mandate JCR member Angus Barry to ensure that Luka is properly taken care of and lives a happy life as part of Worcester College.

3) Encourage members of the JCR to visit Luka (preferably bearing small gifts of fruit).

The motion also notes that hamsters are very cute, and that:

“Luka’s personality fits well with the spirit of the College. He is adventurous, enjoys cuddles and likes grapes.”

Sam Barker, Worcester’s ex-JCR President, was uncharacteristically vocal in his
support for Luka’s campaign. His assessment of the situation was as follows:

“I say they are just such a bunch of rotters – the whole thing is rummy – this
hamster has done nothing wrong, and by all accounts is bloody marvellous.

“Think of the Greats; Nelson Hamsterla, Muhamster Ali, Barack O’Hamster! And
from Ireland, Martin McGuineapig and Gerbil Adams, not to mention Mouse
Mowlem!”

Ask not what your hamster can do for you…

Other honourary members of the JCR include the Worcester Provost’s children
and Jonny Wilkinson, all of whom are thought to like hamsters.

This is not the first controversy the Luka has faced – his Facebook page has
already been deleted on the grounds that he is not old enough to have one.

Barry informs us he has written to Facebook explaining that in
hamster years Luka is really in his forties and so should be allowed his page
back.

Before being taken down, Luka’s Facebook page stated he was reading
Fruit-Eating Studies at the University of Hamsterdam, and confessed a
dislike of cats.

The hamster was unavailable for comment.