Oooh Wills, you bitch

Duke of Cambridge wades into ancient row with speech at the Other Place


Prince William, Duke of Cambridge, waded into one of civilisation’s most ancient rivalries this morning.

We don’t wanna hear it Wills

In a misguided move, the Duke sided with The Tabs (yer, awkward, we know) as he told of his pride on his first visit to the Other Place since his wedding with Kate last year.

Wills even saw fit to boast about Cambridge’s vaguely impressive list of Nobel Prize winners. He said: “This university has more Nobel Prize-winners than to its name than all but a couple of countries.

“That fact alone will shake even that other place down the M40, it that must not be named, to its very foundations.”

Cambridge is well-known as a Parliamentarian institution, siding with Oliver Cromwell in the bloody Civil War. It is unclear whether Wills, a St Andrews man, is an advocate of treason against the Queen.

The speech will do little to assuage the age-old struggle between the two institutions and leaves the Duke on shaky diplomatic ground. Kate was welcomed with open arms when she visited Oxford earlier this year, but the couple can expect a frosty reception next time they show up.

The Tab says: “We always preferred Harry anyway. He might enjoy exposing his arse a little too much, but at least he’s a bit of a laugh.”