Five reasons why you should stay friends with your ex

It’s tempting to cut them out of your life, either they broke your heart or you dumped them. But the Tab’s here to tell you that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. Keep them around. At one point they were your one and only so why can’t they still be the person you bitch to, the shoulder you shout on? Here’s five positives you might not have thought of.

1. Sex with the Ex

Everyone needs a friend with benefits so why risk losing an actual friend over the possibility of it going wrong? With a real friend there’s always a risk factor. They might think your clit is two inches to the left or they might only have two inches between their legs. They could lie there like a dead fish or smell the same. Worst of all you don’t know what they’re into; it could be food, feet or fisting. Will you really be able to look at your bezzie the same way after they’ve spanked you and made you call them daddy? With your ex you’ve already taken them for a test drive. Keep them around for those desperate moments when all you really need is a reliable pounding.

2. Think of all the things they have on you

Keep your friends close and your exes closer. First of all there’s all the things they know. Telling them your deepest darkest secrets seemed like a good idea at the time but now is looking like a dangerous disaster. What if they tell other people you once masturbated with a vegetable or that sometimes you accidentally think of your sister while touching yourself? Also that’s only half of it. What about all the pictures you sent them or the videos they have? Keeping an ex as a friend might be the only way to stop your tits being tagged, your labia liked and your vagina going viral.

Think of all the secrets they know…

3. Keep them close to use their friends

The best thing about an ex as a friend is the access to all your potential future boyfriends/ girlfriends. Think of all of your ex’s friends. The hot ones you always secretly preferred, the ones that’d pop into your head while having sex, the one that was always slightly too friendly. And don’t think they haven’t thought about you. You were just as forbidden as they were and now you want each other. You can’t just go after them, that’s not allowed, but if you stay friends you can slyly work your way into their parties and into their pants. It won’t be long ’til you’re good friends innocently spooning, and spooning always leads to forking.

4. They’ll up your game

Having them around will make you work harder. If you totally ditch them you’ll curl up into a ball, watch old repeats of Friends and eat tubs of ice cream. Before you know it you’ll be fatter and spottier than ever before with showering and shaving becoming an unnecessary irk. Instead if you’re trying to be friends with them, you’ll try twice as hard. You’ll be perfectly trimmed and pruned. On top of this you’ll be so desperate to show your ex you’re over them it’ll force you to move on.  And you’ll want to show them how much better than them you can do so you’ll only be after the premium fish in the sea rather than the usual blubber you’d rebound on.

They’ll stop you rebounding on something unappealing

5. Possible sperm/ egg donor

An ex is the perfect person to turn to if you ever need that second half of your screaming, crapping bundle of joy. Yes you broke up, so there’s something that stops them from being Mr or Mrs Perfect but you clearly haven’t found the real deal. The biggest disadvantage of this is the awkward conversation you have to have where you ask them for their love juice or life yoke. If you’re a girl you can avoid this by having sex with your ex and just forgetting to mention your fertile state. It is advised that you do the insemination the old fashioned way as if they have any residual negative feelings for you the prime quality specimen you think you’re getting could in fact be sourced from a homeless man or worse an animal. Definitely not the right kind of doggy style.