Worcester Sauced

Worcester students were clearly on their best behaviour when Emma Watson was in town, but two weeks into life after Hermione they’re already in trouble.

Keep off the grass

A quite literally ‘sick’ Freshers’ week saw the new Dean threaten to close the College bar for good unless those responsible for a range of damaging antics owned up.

Freshers were spotted committing the sin of sitting on the grass in Worcester’s prize-winning front quad.

It appears they also tried to hoover it with a vacuum cleaner (which was, fortunately, unplugged) and even arranged garden chairs replete with a table and vase of flowers on the high-maintenance grass.

An early lawn etiquette error might have been forgiven, but then on Monday morning vomit was found in a row of freshly planted flower beds which, according to the Dean’s shocked email, “no one had even attempted to clean up!”

Worcester is drinking through Emma Watson’s absence

There was more damage on Wednesday when a re-seeded piece of grass was found to have been vandalized and trampled on for no reason.

The Chunderdragon visited again the following day in another courtyard, with sick found near first-year accommodation.

In response to the week of what can only be described as ‘light carnage’, Dr. Ben Morgan, the Dean, cancelled all JCR Entz events and threatened to close the bar if the culprits did not give themselves up by a certain time.

He also warned if the deadline was missed, the bar would remain closed indefinitely until everybody had come forward.

Despite members of the JCR hatching a plan to send in mass confessions (in the style of “I’m Spartacus”) in an attempt to help the gardeners (or more likely, save the bar), every offender ‘fessed up.

The Dean was satisfied that “an appeal to a sense of community and respect for the work of the gardeners was effective”.

That and the thought of going without the bar’s infamous Jellyfish Sting cocktail.

The Tab understands that Sunday’s pub quiz was not in the end disrupted, and a sober and sensible time was had by all.