The 10 stages you will go through while living at home during lockdown
Don’t lie to yourself, it’s painful
With the sudden announcement of this third lockdown, many students have found themselves sorrily slumped at home, away from our beloved Nottingham.
Lockdown one was unique: but with your TikTok-ing left in lockdown one, you have found yourself on a new path of discovery and growth.
Lockdown three is a new breed, especially since the majority of us are stuck at home. Here are 10 phases you have undeniably gone through in the first few weeks of this traumatic family experience:
1. Appreciating the free food
The continually stocked cupboards and fridge make a welcome change to your university diet of meal deals and instant noodles. Fresh fruit? It’s a foreign concept. You do not however welcome your mother’s diet plan of salad and the counting of e numbers.
2. VK withdrawals
If you don’t accept that you miss ‘subtly’ yeeting VKs off the Rock City balcony every Wednesday at Crisis, then you are, undoubtedly in a state of denial. The distant memory of this weekly highlight, accompanied by the thrill of the Ocean carpet and slipping in style down the Ink stairs brings a tear to your eye.
3. Not showering
Don’t worry, everyone has gone through this socially unacceptable stage of lockdown. It has been made worse by the winter weather and often occurs alongside the growing out of body hair (it’s not like you’re getting any action right now).
Realistically, you’re only around your family so naturally, you stop caring. Worrying, yes… but nevertheless this stage should be embraced.
4. Contemplating dry January
You have found yourself trying to embrace adulthood whilst living under the scrutiny of your parents. Dry January, a new family resolution, has forced you into drinking in secrecy in your bedroom. You will take whatever you can get, whenever you can get it. That bottle of Echo Falls left over from your 16th birthday party suddenly seems rather appetising.
5. Doing chores
Let’s be honest, you have never actually cleaned the floor of your Lenton kitchen. At home however, the rules are different. It is with shock that you have found yourself unnecessarily hoovering the same patch of carpet each day. This new form of procrastination is the result of severe boredom. You have realised that you cannot sleep for 20 hours a day and that there is simply nothing else to do.
6. Daily existential crisis
This is the one aspect of consistent routine in your life. The thought that we cannot be wasting the best years of our life trapped inside with no social interaction if there is no point to life, is unexpectedly soothing. Yes, you have cried enough tears to fill Ocean, but if you look on the bright side, at least you can still feel emotion. You have not yet become a hollowed out empty shell of a human.
7. Binge watching TV
Don’t lie to yourself, you have embraced your 14 year old self. The addition of Pretty Little Liars to BBC Iplayer has allowed you to waste 160 hours of lockdown. So far, so good. And congratulations, it is quite an achievement. Bed, Netflix and snacks? That’ll do me nicely.
8. Missing sex
You have made up for your lack of sex this lockdown by fulfilling your sex drive watching Bridgerton. You did however begin watching the series on a Saturday night with your family. This, as expected, brought about the universally awkward experience. You try and start up a riveting conversation about knitting with your mum whilst your dad goggles at the young women flaunting their stuff on the screen. You cringe to your core and swear you will never watch anything with your family again.
9. Gossiping with your pets
The usual post Crisis gossip is lacking in your cosy Surrey cottage. You find yourself telling your cat your wildest secrets. Throwing up in your bedroom bin at 9 pm on a Sunday after a crazy night consisting of three glasses of wine with your roast dinner, for example, makes the sorry list. Talking to pets during this time of limited social interaction is creative, you tell yourself, as you Google the signs of insanity.
10. Selling every item you own
You have found yourself changing your wardrobe weekly. Your loyal Depop following of 33 people keeps you committed to your feed. You have gone from basic to y2k to chic all in one week, and don’t plan to stop there. This is of course entirely funded by your ‘spare’ student loan. Why would you feel guilty, you are, after all, not spending anything on groceries?