A definitive guide: The eight types of housemate you’ll find in Notts

It’s the pretending to be asleep when the doorbell rings so you don’t have to answer it for me

So, you’ve signed on the dotted line, paid a deposit that broke the bank and secured the house of your dreams (kind of). You can’t wait to move in hoping that it will be like a year-long sleepover with your best friends full of rainbows and sunshine, right? Wrong. You thought you knew the people you were moving in with but it turns out you were too naive.

Here’s a guide that will enlighten you on the eight types of housemates you’ll probably encounter at some point in your uni experience.

1. The Early Riser

The early riser, a common component to each household. They’re up, washed, fed, dressed and have probably fitted in a run all before 9am and they’ll make sure you know about it. Whilst you are sound asleep, perfectly content missing your online lectures, you’ll be woken up by the sounds of the early riser banging pots and pans in the kitchen, slamming doors and stomping up and down the stairs.

Most importantly, they are usually the clean freak and tend to be passive aggressive when they clean things up when no one asked them to (we appreciate it though!). They’re usually the mum/dad of the house always remembering when it’s bin day, they don’t waste their money on takeaways and though it’s painful to admit… you’d be lost without them.

Their message to the GC: “If everyone could clean their stuff on the side of the sink I’d appreciate it (also brown bins need to go out tonight)”.

2. The Athlete

Between their intense training schedules, sports socials and lectures, the only time you’ll see the athlete in the house is when they’re violently shaking their protein powder drink in the kitchen (in their green player layer of course). However, one place they’re guaranteed to be spotted is the Crisis balcony. They’ll most likely host a Wednesday social or initiations (and your living room will probably be laced with snuff powder).

Their message to the GC: “Anyone seen my sports tie?”

3. The Medic

There are two sides to the medic, and to put it simply – their degree is way more important than yours.

Side A consists of the stressed out and exhausted student who spends their days in lectures from 9-6. They spend a lot of their nights in their room cramming for the next exam and if they are to hear even a peep of loud laughter or the Chase theme song from downstairs you’re likely to be met with a cold reception and sense of hatred.

However, you can forget all of the above when you’re met with side B. Firstly, what is better than a personal in-house doctor to tend to all your bizarre medical needs? When they party, they party hard. Their high academic pressure is correlated to their stamina – always leaving them the last ones left on the Ocean dance floor. Although, this is the one time you’ll be looking after them for a change when their head is over the toilet.

Their message to the GC: 3 a.m. – “Guys I need to be up in four hours for a placement can you please be quieter you’re being so selfish”.

4. The One Who Doesn’t Really Do Anything

A.k.a the chilled one, will start their day with breakfast around 2pm. They’re definitely not a morning person and not big on cooking either.  They’re fiends for splashing the cash on a takeaway but when it comes to the delivery charge they need someone to split it with…?

However when they do cook, their plates can be on the side of the sink for 2-5 business days. Having less than 10 hours a week means they’re always up for doing fun things in the house whether it’s watching re-runs of Come Dine With Me or working on making the next viral TikTok. They live in a variation of joggers and have a passion for covering the living room in Halloween or Christmas decorations … they probably can’t be asked to take them down though.

Their message to the GC: “Anyone wanna order food? Not Maccies though I had it last night lol”.

5. The Borrower

They came to uni with nothing except their extensive collection of clothes from Urban and a tapestry for their room. At first you’re happy to lend a helping hand, but then a bit of soy sauce here, a bit of washing powder there and you have entered a blackhole of the borrower thinking they can use what they want if they’ve used it before. You’ll probably never see that top again btw…

Their message to the GC: “Guys you’re gonna hate me lol but can I borrow your milk again? I swear I’m going to Sains tomorrow to do a shop”.

6. The Stoner

The stoner seems to come alive at night and you can tell by the stream of neon coming under the gap in their door from their LED lights coupled with the thumping base playing from their speaker. They’re characterised by the slam of the front door at a late night hour for their weekly pickups and be sure not to leave any food out because that will be gone by the morning.

If you happen to bump into them on your way to your midnight wee, be prepared to get into a deep, intellectual conversation about being in a simulation.

Their message to the GC: “Has anyone got any cash?”

7. The Sesh Addict

They’re always hosting pres with control of the aux, of course, and being a BNOC means there are a lot of new faces in your house. But, when they’re hanging the next day they won’t be the one to clear up the empty bottles and throughout the day you can expect the constant chime of the doorbell from people picking up their North Face puffers and Sainsbury’s own vodka.

You can always rely on them for countless stories about someone they pulled that week or eventful drama on a night out – though, you probably heard them and their new pull through the very, very thin bedroom walls.

Their message to the GC: “Lost my keys again can you let me in”.

8. The Ghost

The ghost is what it says on the tin – you never know if they are really there. Your only way of knowing is by the food slowly diminishing from their fridge shelf and the occasional door movements as they go to and from the bathroom. That’s all that can be said because you don’t know much about them.

PSA – if you think you are living with a ‘ghost’ persona in your household, a knock on their door might go a long way to see how they are 🙂

Their message to the GC: N/A

Whether you’re a fresher starting to think about who you might want to live with next year, a second year who has just realised the true identities of your housemates or a final year student who can’t take the aggravation anymore-hopefully this guide will equip you in navigating your housemates’ varying traits!

(And trust me, you’re not the perfect housemate that you think you are. I see you avoiding having to take the bins out…)