Illuminati confirmed: conspiracy theories about why Moodle went down
Guess who’s back, back again
Moodle's back, tell a friend. In case you aren't aware because you haven't attempted any uni work over the last week, you wouldn't know that in a turn of Autumn term events, Moodle unexpectedly took a plunge into darkness. A bit like losing your house keys on a night out – integral to the functioning of daily life and a bit of a liberty – except much, much worse. However, it wasn't all bad news.
Extended deadlines meant nothing other than the opportunity to forget that coursework ever existed and deck the halls with boughs of holly because Christmas has come early. And even though Moodle might be back and better than ever, we are still reaping the benefits of extended coursework deadlines and more.
The reason for this mysterious occurrence is somewhat unclear. Surely there is no straight-forward explanation for Moodle's recent downfall. Thus putting it to us, the people, to conspirisize. We asked our fellow uni peers their theory and documented the top 10 conspiracy theories about why Moodle died. Here goes:
Elsa FROZE Moodle
With the newest release of the esteemed Frozen 2, this publicity stunt might have just been the tip of the iceberg. Disney aren’t known for doing things half-heartedly, and so preventing an entire body of uni students from accessing their vital learning resources, coursework grades and timetables, has got to be down to none other than the Snow Queen herself.
Hacked by Crisis
Let’s be honest, as much as we hate to admit it, coursework meant that the Crisis all-whiter was off the cards for a lot of people this week. The future seemed hopeless and desperate measures had to be taken. Crisis therefore had no other choice than to hack into Moodle and take it down from within. Sacrifices had to be made, but now, the all-whiter is truly set for a mad one. With no coursework deadlines this week, and a genuine excuse set nicely in place, Crisis is set for a new and unprecedented vibe and a disgusting amount of VKs.
Despite the fact that Corbyn might be offering free broadband, it’s frankly useless to the students at Nottingham University, what with Moodle being down and all. If this is one of Johnson’s sick and twisted attempts to ‘Get Brexit Done’ (what else is he chatting?) then let’s just say, we aren’t amused. Or maybe that’s just politics. Who knows.
Computer science student has a meltdown
We’ve all been there, work is tough. But no one’s had it tougher than the computer science undergrad who brought Moodle down with his dissertation. It’s a tragic turn of events that not a soul could have predicted, but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. We’re no detectives, but it’s plain to see that there’s not many people that could have pulled off such a scheme. This therefore leaves us with few suspects, Jim from computer science being one of them. We’re onto you mate. Anyway bravo and good luck on that 2:1.
UCU strikes back
Revenge is sweet. Not even a week ago; lecturers from far and wide took to the grassy Downs in their infamous protest. It wouldn’t come as a surprise if they were the masterminds behind this tragic and relentless destruction of Moodle. Perhaps it was because they were subject to two weeks in the freezing cold or because the leaflets simply didn’t cut it in terms of encouraging any real change, all we know is that members of UCU definitely have access all areas… Make of that what you will.
Santa’s come early
Season’s greetings. Forget presents, Christmas lunch and intricately decorated Christmas trees, we’ve got to admit Moodle going down just weeks before the big day is no coincidence. Only one man with a long white beard is capable of such scheming, and it’s got to be the big SC himself. There’s absolutely no question that those elves of his aren’t hacking away at our computer screens, meddling with TurnItIn and hiding our exam timetables from us. Some say it’s tragic, we say it’s a pure Christmas miracle.
Sorry… what??? We’re familiar with Error 404, but Guru Meditation has reached new heights when it comes to technical malfunctions. When we first saw this screen we genuinely thought that our beloved computers were being hacked by a bloody monk. I don’t know about you, but Moodle’s downfall doesn’t exactly make me want to meditate, instead, the complete opposite. So, Mr Monk, if this was in fact your doing, please meditate your way out of this absolute mess and bring me my Moodle back.
Lacrosse team sticks it to the uni
Eat, sleep, Lax, break Moodle, repeat. We all know the strength of a University of Nottingham ladies lacrosse team and to tell the truth, they are easily capable of such destruction (even the 4s). Whether they lured a silly fresher into hacking the system during one of their intense initiations or came home raging after yet another loss and broke Moodle out of pure frustration (hey, accidents happen), we’re certain those Green and Gold girls had a part to play in all the chaos.
Houston we have a problem. Now, you may be thinking- why would a multi-billionaire space and engineering company care about a small Midlands university student page? Well to be frank, we’ve been asking ourselves the same question. But here are the facts. An unidentifiable student obtained top secret information regarding NASA’s confidential plans. They therefore had no other option other than to disrupt our beloved university system and take one big step for mankind and students alike.
It’s no doubt that our world works in mysterious ways; some are unexplainable. This happens to be of a similar nature. This theory suggests that in fact Moodle was brought down by the mere presence of the moon and the stars. Now we can’t tell you how exactly this happened, but this theory is certainly a strong contender. By some strange power: the energy lined up at the time of full moon has broken MOO(n)DLE and it’s just the way the world works sometimes.