‘I managed to ask if there were avocados in the Midlands’: Here are the most ridiculous things Surrey girls have been overheard to say at uni

Uni is full of stereotypes but perhaps the most notorious you'll find wandering around is your standard Surrey student.

The typical Surrey girl wishes she could jump in her Fiat 500 instead of using the hopper bus or runs late to her lectures with a Starbucks vente soy vanilla latte in hand. Forgive us, for when we move away from our Surrey comforts, we sometimes make a few stupid comments that really show us up.

"First day I managed to ask if there were avocados in the Midlands"

Even in the apocalypse, Surrey girls will somehow find a way of sourcing avocados.

"Can you take my tenner and get me some wine from Sainsbury's? I don't mind if it's a bit vinegary, just not to the extent that I'd pour it on my chips"

"I'm just going to defrost my sea bass"

The standard culinary life of a Surrey student. They epitomise Nigella with their good looks and cookery books.

"What's a steak bake?"

Uni's an enlightening experience in more ways than one.

"When I say I'm from Surrey, people assume I live in a mansion. My house definitely isn't that grand but I do live ten minutes away from a palace"

"The lowest I've stooped with alcohol is Echo Falls, let's just say, never again"

A friendly reminder that, in Surrey, fruit juice is always freshly squeezed.

"My family want to get a dog but it has to be one they can take on the shoot or out with the horse"

"Did you know I keep a peacock in my garden?"

There are many things students have found in their uni gardens: human feces, dead animals, hungover friends…a peacock is surprisingly not one of them.

"Please don't judge me but I've never been to a spoons"

Yes, we are judging you.

"I tried to hide my Surrey roots from my housemates and was pretty successful until my mum came to visit me at uni. She waltzed into the flat with 6 Waitrose shopping bags and started restocking the fridge. I could have died."

"When my friend was on a girls' trip around the Nordics, I put my phone in front of the TV so she could watch Love Island over FaceTime"

True Surrey friends always have your back.

"Notts Pryzm is nice and everything, but my one at home has a grand foyer"

You know full well you'll be stumbling back down that staircase at 3am after having chunned in the loos. Classy.

"Is there such thing as too much glitter?"

"Someone told me they were going to make a casserole with pheasants they'd shot the other week"

Please just stick a frozen pizza in the oven and be done with it.

"I asked in first year why the buses only had one door and where all the two door buses were"

By two door buses, do you mean an Uber by any chance?

"Daddy's already sorted next year's house for me and my housemates. He made the bookings, called the agency and everything."

"Why aren't there cows on your campus?"

There are many cows at Nottingham uni, do not worry. Visit Crisis at 1am and you'll find them all at the bar. They normally push to the front of the drinks queue and then proceed to spill their drink down you.

"I really want to post this pic on Insta but it doesn't fit in with my HUJI theme"

There are more pressing problems in this world.

"Don't really know why I'm bothering with exams. Daddy's already got me job in three years when I graduate"

"I got told I’d clearly never gone north of London before…so I said, I’ll have you know I have a country house in Devon"

Geography A* for this one please

"If I don't 'find myself' while I'm on my year abroad, I guess I'll have to go on a yoga retreat to Thailand or take a gap yahr in Australia after I graduate."

Anyone ever mentioned grad-schemes to you?

"My driving instructor was genuinely shocked when I told him I'd never ridden a horse"

"I was talking about beef tartare and someone said do you mean the tartare with fish and chips? What the hell is wrong with them?"

The real question is: what the hell is wrong with you?

"At school I always felt like I was in the minority of people who hadn't done a skydive"

Not just something you do on I'm A Celeb, but also your standard Surrey girl gap yahr or maybe even a family holiday to Dubai.

"I don't know why people bother buying VKs. I can only get drunk off prosecco or wine."

"I live in The Park. Lenton is too rough for me."

I don't even blame you.

"I saw someone check their online bank balance on their Coutts account in the middle of a lecture"

"My father gave me a small loan of a million dollars" – Donald Trump

"My dad suggested getting me a Fiat 500 for my first car. I didn't even prompt him."

"We went to a Pizza Hut takeaway store and just before stepping inside I turned to my friends and asked whether I should ring the doorbell. They looked at me in disgust"

Wipe your feet on the mat and take your shoes off at the door while you're at it.

"I can't drink martinis at pres without using the 'appropriate glass', it's not the same otherwise"

The fact that you're drinking martinis at pres is a red flag in itself.

"So I had a crisis on New Years Eve and I booked myself a five day surfing holiday to Morocco"