First years will be banned from Hallward till the end of exams


The University announced this morning that all first-years will be banned from Hallward library until exams have finished.

As an increasing amount of complaints flooded in regarding lack of seating and overcrowding in the library, the University has been forced to ban ‘low-priority’ students from entering including all first-years.

Do they even need the library?

One University spokesperson said: “Well they do only need a 2:2.”

The decision has come shortly after it was revealed that only four freshers had accessed the library in the last year. It is estimated that at least two of these were lost.

As an alternative study area for first-years, the University are planning on expanding Rutland Hall library, due to the Hall’s budding popularity amongst students. Books ranging from Biff, Chip and Kipper to GCSE French will be made available to freshers in the new study space and Fruit Shoots are rumoured to be subsidised to half price.

Big up the chode tower

Fortunately, the University recently revealed that they would be investing in a new, £17million teaching building.


The planned capacity of 18,000 students will likely resolve any seating issues in Hallward library, but with the building not set for completion until 2020, freshers will have a long wait on their hands to do any work.

Good thing they don’t need to.