What type of Hallward goer are you?
Minus the ones you like
Deadlines are fast approaching and I even admire that survival of the fittest attitude, but you are literally, the most annoying person to grace the third floor. With a nonchalant disregard for library etiquette you shatter the hopes and dreams of late arrivals everywhere and those notes you’ve left are just begging to be messed with. Spare a thought for the ready and willing among us who are forced to accept our library failure and join the endless Starbucks queue while we await a free booth. Oh, and if you’ve picked one of the mystical anomalies that has a plug socket then you really are evil.
The Gym Goer
With their nike roshe runs and oversized sweatshirt (extra points if it’s a uni one), these guys patrol the first floor with a gaggle of friends all dressed the same. These are the library posers. They aren’t there to do work, they’re there to find a library boyfriend/girlfriend. Can you get any more Notts?
Either this or they’re a gym poser with zero intention of ever going to the gym they just couldn’t be bothered to get dressed this morning. It was gym clothes or pyjamas.
You know the ones. If it’s not for a genuine reason, I have a hard time with the endless line of (usually) girls ordering the benchmark “grande soya latte”. Did you just get bored of ordering normal lattes? Is this an Instagram thing? I just don’t know. To make matters worse, this time of year has seen an influx of festive coffee drinkers, aka not coffee drinkers at all, that are all over that pumpkin spiced thing. No whipped cream though and can you get that with soya or nah? Flat whites people, the queue would cut in half.
Mostly we’re all just jealous of you.
You look cool in a “I’m intelligent enough to read all these books” way. Ultimately you are the library poster child and we should all be more like you. You are the booth hogger that we admire (mostly because you have no reason to ever leave your seat). But do you actually plan on reading them? Or does surrounding yourself with stuff you SHOULD read make you feel as though you’re doing something other than scrolling your vine feed? Because I know which one I’m guilty of. However if you are one of those rare creatures that plans to use your massive stack of good intentions for actual productive means, then I salute you.
Always offensively loud or smelly food, crunchy cheese and onion crisps on the silent floor or slurping a starbucks, these are the worst. Deadlines are here and it’s acceptable to eat 3 meals a day in your booth now, but it doesn’t mean you should. Snacks are essential at this time and a cheese sandwich or chocolate bar are all good and totally necessary, but these guys will insist on making the most noise possible. The packet rustles, they chomp away, they splutter, you rage in your booth.
WHY ARE YOU SHOUTING?
Inevitably the heat of Hallward quickly becomes too much – cue, the smoking area. This mystical area of coolness seems impenetrable to the mere mortals among us, but if you possess the power of the wavy garm and judgemental stare then welcome home. If you can make it here you can make it anywhere. Of course if you’re a non-cool smoker there is room for you here too. Just, you know, behind the bike racks.