Why I’m jealous of flat chested girls

They have it easier

Big breasts generate thousands of nicknames and numerous double glances. Everyone tells you “you’re blessed” and begs you to “give them some” but having boobs over a size D is a chore to live with.

 The Ugly Bra

So sxy

So sxy

The retail sector seems to have connected big breasts with the elderly. Most bras bigger than a C cup resemble your Nan’s net curtains with a serious suspension system in place.

In the meantime small breasted humans get pretty lace numbers and the bonus of being able to buy their bra anywhere.

Leaving us big breasted with the expensive and awkward Ann Summers or the cheap and breakable, Primark.

The Sports Bra    

Three bra problemz

Three bra problemz

Nope, not for us.

We watch in awe as those pretty little girls parade around the gym in their crop tops while we have to don ourselves with a bra, sports bra, plus a sports top with built in boob support, to avoid our knockers knocking someone out on the treadmill.

The Shirt

"I can see your boobs"

“I can see your boobs”

Heading to work? Got a job interview?

How about revealing yourself to the whole world with your tits bursting through that bloody button hole gap, instead of respectably flowing nicely over your body, showing them how professional and respectable you can be.

The Crop Top

You make dat fit gurl

You make dat fit gurl

No matter how much you pull it, that top will just about scrape over your nips and emphasize their size. And if you do get it over, it hangs their like a bookshelf, drawing even MORE unwanted pervs.

This is a trend that we’re happy to send back to the 90s.

The Fat Jumper

Mustard's no ones colour

Mustard’s no ones colour

Notice how the jumper gently cascades down her torso? Yeah, then there’s the curving ball of shame around my chest called breasts.

Jumpers hide your bangers making it look like the stomach’s the problem here.


Matching p.j's #cute

Matching p.j’s #cute

Finding pj’s that allow you to be comfy without a bra on is a personal nightmare.

The force of running up and down the stairs to get your midnight glass of water nearly causes them to fly off in these flimsy bastards.