We tried the new outdoor gym equipment on campus

Wasn’t great


Nottingham University has decided to invest in a 1.7 mile circuit that connects 5 separate stations of outdoor fitness equipment. The aim is most likely to hide the fact that the actual temporary gym is nothing more than a glorified marquee.

Yeah properly fooled us.

Having not being to many lectures for the past 8 weeks, we missed the campus scenery and wanting to show off our gains to the public, we decided to try it out for ourselves. The only exercise we’re used to is running away from our problems, so we were prepared for a bit of a challenge.

Work out station 1:

The stations had helpful picture images to show you how to perform the exercises.  Which is good because you probably don’t even know how to do a sit up.

Looking less like an outdoor gym instruction and more like a Karma Sutra position, we were a bit hesitant to try. But we did anyway and burnt bare calories.

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it’s not what it looks like

Work out station 2:

Pumped and energized from the first station we approached the next station with some vigor.  It took a few minutes to figure out what actual exercises we could do on it when we gave up and practiced our doggy position. It worked really well, better than your average missionary.

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After all that frolicking around, we decided to get back to some serious exercise. The bobbled texture of the handlebars were actually really painful, and made the exercise even more laborious.

You may want to bid higher for those exercise gloves you’re watching on eBay.

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All the pain and effort made us sleepy and drowsy, and we were shocked to discover that no warning of this was indicated. We have the fitness levels of Dawn French after a KFC so we  quickly fell asleep.

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the eternal struggle of struggling

Work Out Station 3:

Like a kid in the playground, we climbed a rope in the name of exercise. A poor workout, our limbs were not stretched, and we also experienced some hazards along the way.

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After only 6 minutes and 34 seconds, disaster struck. Sam got stuck in the rope, and while we were able to save him, his genitalia may never be the same again…
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wedgie on fleek

Work Out Station 4:

We still haven’t discovered what this dogging machine actually does, and after the previous trauma we decided to swap positions.

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We were beginning to notice the repetitive architecture of these work out stations, and were quickly getting bored. Fortunately, the scenic views of Derby hall captivated our interest, so we tackled this station with a new burst of energy knowing our physical prowess was on full display to hundreds of freshers.

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is this how you squat?

Work Out Station 5:

We’ve seen all these workouts before and they weren’t fun the first time so we put our foot down and refused to participate anymore in the exercise trail of doom.

The only good thing about this station was it being close to Cripps Health Centre, so we were able to attend to Sam’s prior injury.

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over it

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at least you can instagram you working out here

Our overall review:

The overall experience was jarring, scarring and cold.

It had all the fun of exercise with the added enjoyment of being watched by strangers. But lets face it we will probably just order a Domino’s afterwards anyway so this really wasn’t worth it.

We probably lost a few hundred calories but we’re pretty sure that was all from the dogging machine and not the exercise bars of pain.