Living life as the unattractive sibling

Even my mother agrees


After reading on the Tab Kent about the fact there is always one sibling who is more attractive than the others, I could not help but nod in agreement.

When I told my dear, beloved mother about the fact I was planning on writing this article, I was expecting encouragement, reassurance from the one person who would support me no matter what. Instead, I received unbridled laughter and the comment “that’s so true”. The truth hurts.

There are a few issues that arise with having a fit sibling, your so-called friends appear to always want to come round to your house, and your parents are always talking about your sibling’s other half, and about how you too will one day find “someone just right”.

Family parties are dire at the best of times. Distant relatives of your great aunt’s cousin’s brother approaching to tell you about how tall you’ve gotten, how different you look, and how much they’ve missed you, while you stand there, frozen in awkwardness unsure of exactly who this overweight, slightly balding man actually is.

For those of us blessed with the precious ugly sibling gene however, family parties are downright terrible.

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Look at those cheekbones ffs

Family member after family member approaches you and your adonis of a sibling. For me, whenever they are talking to my brother, he is inundated with compliments like “how handsome he’s gotten,” and about how “he must be fighting off all the girls.”

Coos of affection soon turn into full blown conversations about how he should really consider modelling, and about how he’s “just too tall now”, while I stand right next to him looking like a cross between the hobbit and a slightly moulding sack of potatoes.

About a hundred thousand years later, said relatives will tear their eyes away from the families trophy boy, and turn to me, asking about how university is going, or how my dodgy eye is doing. Or both, if I’m really lucky.

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In my case, the holy child of our family happens to be a few years younger than me, but as soon as he hit the age of sixteen, my friends began to feel the need to tell me about how hot he was. “If only he were older,” some would say; others would not even care for the age gap.

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Chan pls

Slightly disturbing and a great way to make you feel uncomfortable, being told your sibling is ‘hot’ is an amazing way to make you want to run head first into a brick wall, not that it could possibly make you look any less attractive.

When being told by your said ‘friends’ about how much they fancy your younger brother and about how fit he is, how exactly are you expected to react?
a) ‘Thanks!’ – You haven’t actually complimented me, but in reality I don’t really get many compliments so I’ll take it anyway.
b) ‘I know!’ – Weird. So weird. Never say this one.
c) ‘Great’ – Not great. Not even good, actually.

 Family pictures are an absolutely amazing way to see how much of a foot you are looking like lately. If you’re feeling even remotely attractive, a great way to knock yourself down a few pegs is to compare yourself to someone who is literally made up of THE SAME FUCKING DNA, but they wear that DNA so much better.