Nights out suck when you’re ugly

U-G-L-Y we all need an alibi


For most people, nights out are a chance to let loose, get a few bevs in and try to pull someone vaguely attractive. But for some of us, the uggos, it’s a source of anxiety, embarrassment and a reminder of our inevitable eternal loneliness.

Firstly, all your friends are hotter than you. They know it, you know it, everyone else knows it. Now most of the time it doesn’t matter, because hey, looks don’t define your worth or determine how much you’ll enjoy hanging out with your friends. But nights out are a slightly different story. Clubs are a world of shallow assumptions, harsh judgement of everyone else’s attractiveness and desperate attempts to pull. If you’re not hot, you’re not relevant.

Being overlooked and ignored due to not being hot enough has its benefits. But not for you, for your friends. You are always the wingman. Because everybody knows you’re not going to be having any success of your own, you exist just to help out your fit pals. It gets really bloody boring watching everyone around you with their temporary flings, getting caught up in the heat of the moment, while the only thing turning you on is thinking about how many chicken mcnuggets you’re going to buy on the way home.

Fit girls have a instant night lifter up their sleeve. The classic trick of getting guys to buy you free drinks. It’s a compliment, a method of pulling, and a money saver all in one. It just doesn’t work for everyone. For us lower down the fit scale, free drinks just aren’t an option, which makes the night out expensive as well as being a blow blow to our fragile self-esteem.

When the squad has a weak link

When the squad has a weak link

People think that being ugly on a night out can be solved with push up bras, contour, fake eyelashes, fake tan or any number of instant remedies.  But these things only do so much. There’s no magical transformation that will change you from a 3 to a 9. You’ll still be the same ugly mess, just with a slightly bigger rack. I’ve seen girls get ignored just for having shit hair or a slightly dodgy top.

Some of us have no idea how to do all that fancy contour, and have attempted and failed to apply fake eyelashes more times than we can count. Others can do all of that perfectly, and still only look about a five at best. And even if our makeup is absolutely 10/10, it will have drastically deteriorated by the end of the night, I know girls that start the night at around an eight or nine and end it on a three, slowly sobbing into their drink when they realise what a mess they’ve become.

Something that has happened more times than I can count is getting paired up with the ugly friend. Your mate has obviously managed to get the gorgeous one, and they both push you to entertain their slightly less spectacular sidekick. You feel obliged to talk to them because everybody’s expecting you to. Your friends get all excited as you’ve finally got someone who’s an appropriate match, but for you, average Joe, or slightly chubby Lucy, just isn’t doing it for you.

It's not hard to spot the uggo

It’s not hard to spot the uggo

The worst thing about being paired up with the ugly friend is when you actually end up getting off with them. You don’t know if it’s out of pity for them or if you are actually just that desperate. But even though you always end up full of regret and shame afterwards, the chicken nuggets will be there to offer you a comforting embrace.

Pulling on nights out is easy for some, not for all of us.  In a place where everything is based on a certain type of look or a certain style, it’s easy to feel not good enough. Pulling isn’t even a motive for some of us, but when you’re surrounded by people who are obsessed with it, it’s easy to ask the question ‘what’s wrong with me?’

But before you end it all, remember there’s a whole world of people uglier than you out there and they manage to have normal, healthy lives. It’s fine to not be the one pulling in da club, you never know, you might meet someone who actually likes you for who you are.