From fresh faced to a 2:2: The evolution of a BNOC

Usually seen at their prime, a New Balance wearing, MDMA taking, Val Thorens boasting, Big Name On Campus. But when they started uni, red faced and making up gap year stories, did they ever imagine they would reach such heights?

The life of a BNOC starts on day one of freshers’ week. Born into an atmosphere of confusion and fear, the BNOC rises to the top fast, seizing every opportunity to talk about Thailand and relentlessly adding and following every single person they might even happen to look at on all social media platforms.

Campus dominance starts early, and a solid foundation based on the likes of their obnoxious selfies will mark their upward descent to notoriety.

#freshers #week #likeforlike #instagood #IM A FUCKING BEG

Within the first few months a BNOC will have begun to make themselves known by harassing the Karni reps on every single rag raid.

“Down it fresher” is the equivalent of a BNOC mating call and nothing screams desperation for approval more than pissing yourself on a bus. It’ll go down as that classic time in your life where word of your fame spread to all the other halls on campus.

Spring semester of first year, and the BNOC has shed their personality and replaced it with powder and a bottle of Tesco’s finest basics vodka. The BNOC will swap their personality for intoxicants by the end of first year. The scent of anything but a comedown ensures a rejection from the second year stalwarts of the social scene.

The key to BNOC supremacy is off yellow. And disgusting.

Summer arrives, and the BNOC is close to their second year prime. Festivals act as international BNOC meetings, all big names converging together to discuss the coming year’s Campus Campaign.

Second year dawns, and the BNOC has well and truly arrived. With their travelling stories – “Oh my god yeah, that reminds of me this time in Thailand…” – acting as conversation starters for the next eight months, the BNOC is equipped for any situation.

Autumn semester of second year means attending every house event the city has to throw at them. CMYK, Detonate, Black Butter, Everywhere Festival – the list goes on. Oceana and Forum are a now pre-BNOC embarrassment saved for naive freshers – a hark back to those days you wish you could forget but want everyone to remember you for.

The Brickworks is one of the best places to view a BNOC in it’s natural habitat

By the end of second year the transformation from an attention seeking fresh faced first year that cried for their mum during fresher’s week, to a snapback wearing, sleeve rolling, coke snorting legend will be complete.

It’s a shame come third year the BNOC will face the end of their lifespan. Their housemates might actually stop shuffling for five minutes to attempt their dissertation thus leaving the resilient big name to fly solo.

The short, but sweet life ends in utter disappointment. Having snorted their way through their £9,000 a year, the harsh reality of mediocre job prospects slowly kills them as they settle into their post-degree mundane lives.

Enjoy that Desmond, you’ve earned it – there’s always time for an MA.