Whisper it, but we need to admit staying in is better than going out

Why waste money on shots when you can have pringles


“Good luck at University,” my home friend told me, sassily, when he saw me sober dancing in my final year of high school.

The amount I’ve been jokily pressured into drinking, lambasted for my lack of adventure or warned about my chances of making friends throughout the last few years, is laughable.

sometimes I watch 3 things at once

sometimes I watch 3 things at once

Let’s clear a few things up: no I don’t drink, and no I never have. I very rarely go out, and find it a pretty grim experience when I do. I find making friends, meeting new people and socialising to be exhausting, unnecessary and, well, gross. I make my girlfriend make phone calls for me to avoid awkwardness.

Introverted is the adjective to describe the above. And that is why I haven’t been out to town since November, and have loved every peaceful, comfortable night in since.

fifa is bae

fifa is bae

“Why is that?” I hear you shout over unnecessarily loud and unnecessarily shit music, wiping sweat beads from your face in an attempt to look as pristine as you did when you left. I’ll tell you, poor soul.

Since joining University, I have rewatched all nine series’ of the US Office, and all eight series of Parks and Recreation, and those are the best 7172 hours rewatching a TV show that I’ve ever spent (yep, I calculated it).

#sorrynotsorry

#sorrynotsorry

I have started and finished Breaking Bad (and its recent counterpart, Better Call Saul) at University, and plan on starting – and finishing – Friday Night Lights before the end of first year.

Why am I confident that this is achievable? Because every night is spent in bed, comfortable in the knowledge that I’ve done at least a little bit of work, and that binge watching Netflix won’t give me a hangover which will drain me of energy required for work the following day.

“If there were more food and fewer people, this would be the perfect party.”

It’s in Parks and Rec that Ron Swanson utters the above words; the most valuable, relatable words from any TV show I can remember.

I just don’t get it. I don’t get going out and wasting money on alcohol and seeing other humans when you can spend your money wisely on a Netflix account and a regular income of DVDs and books.

h8rs gonna h8

h8rs gonna h8

I don’t get the need to spend time with others in a sleezy, sweaty, noisy environment when you can relax with a film or book, and be asleep by ten. I don’t get why shots and other alcoholic beverages are preferable to Diet Coke and chocolate digestives/Pringles/the snackage of your choice. Yes, I’m smug.

This whole article may sound like I’m smug, and that I intend on rubbing it in your faces that I hate people and don’t ever plan on going out again. You would be correct in thinking that.

So, dear reader, I wish for your sake that you decide not to go to Crisis next Wednesday, and opt for a quiet night in with a film. This isn’t an invitation to join me, I should add, that would quite honestly be hell for me.