All students are Tories. Why bother pretending otherwise?

Underneath, we’re all blue

national noad

Chances are if you’re reading this, you’re at a decent uni because you’re middle class, went to a decent school and had parents who liked Thatcher. You probably liked Hugh Grant in Love Actually and aren’t too sure about the EU.

In other words, you’re a textbook Tory.

You’ll probably eventually see the light and vote the way your social class expects so why resist it just because you’re at uni?

The world works when we don’t stray too far from the little boxes we are assigned. For most students voting Greens or Labour is an experiment, something you try at uni and then realise is fucking stupid, like ket or living in the North.

So save yourself the trouble and stop lying to yourself, you don’t really care about international aid or the bedroom tax, you just want a good job and a cheap pint.


You don’t have to be a quintessential Tory to vote blue. You’re allowed to have a fairly decent haircut and not look like an estate agent who has more suits than is normal for a 20-year-old.

You chose to get a degree because you want to get a good job and earn good money which presumably means you wouldn’t like it all to be taxed away, so frankly voting for the bleeding heart quinoa elite is just shooting yourself in the foot.

The Tories are the party of bullingdon clubbers so if you enjoy having fun at uni, you’re probably more similar to D-Cam than Ed Millipede, who, let’s face it, would never be down for a messy one with the lads.

People vote lefty parties to substitute for having a personality, as if pretending to care about NUS policies made you any more interesting.

How about you just accept you’re a boring twat and realise how just by going into Higher Education, you’re part of The Establishment .

In 2010, a load of students decided they wanted something a bit different, to flirt with the quirky outsider and look where it got us, £9k tuition fees and a Vince Cable in a position of actual responsibility.

This time around, do the smart thing, think about who you really are and who you want to be and when you inevitably discover you’re bluer than Margaret Thatcher’s handbag, Dave will be waiting with open arms.