Fresher cribs: What does your room say about you?

This is basically just an opportunity to rip my mates


William Shakespeare once wrongly said: “Eyes are the window to our souls.” University rooms, with a good amount of decoding however, give us a better insight into the kind of person you really are.

This week, we’ve been soul-searching in fresher cribs: contemplating the importance of posters, applauding the ownership of contraband and discussing whether you really do want to associate with someone in a bucket hat.

I’m a big Kim K fan

As a woman of the 21st century, it’s a little embarrassing for Kim Kardashian to be your idol.

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But for some reason there is a need for me to own a pillow that caricatures her and her one year old daughter, North West. You’d think this would be an alarm bell for all potential, new fresher friends – as would my predominantly Nazi-related bookshelf – but somehow I’ve retained a group of people who tolerate me.11074776_10153163793498545_1273096179_n

Although, I do occasionally get ripped for my poster choice. Amelie is a French film, but I preferred the Japanese poster. Basically, I’m really edgy. And I also try really hard.

Did you know I’m a rep – Ross, 19, Architectural Engineering

As the co-creator of MYLO @ Filthy’s, Ross is a man of self-promotion.

The cosmic Imagination poster and lava lamp (lovingly preserved from his 11-year-old self’s bedroom) clearly showcases him as creative, philosophical and ultimately an advocate of all things wavey. Perhaps in line with his course, this Leeds lad preaches ‘you are the architect of your own life’, which is surprisingly deep for the boy who owns a beanie embroided with the words “Kush err’day”.

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His self-diagnosis of OCD most probably explains his numerous checklists, religiously crossed off after an “absolutely buzzin” night at Stealth. He’s a busy man, but he’s also got everything under control.

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The window sill of Florence Boot’s resident bad boy is the shrine of his extensive hat collection. In his own words: “Nobody messes with the guy in the bucket hat” – but this room gives off the impression that the owner is sensitive and thoughtful, which isn’t really what he was going for.

From the Channel Islands – Rory, 19, Ancient History and History

Nobody really knows what or where the Channel Islands are, so this Guernsey boy wants to set the record straight.

Above his bed the island’s flag hangs proudly and pinned to his noticeboard is the absolutely ludicrous value of £1 in note form. The room screams boarding school boy – who can afford to throw away that kind of money for decorative purposes?

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This room houses some fine student cuisine, such as some novelty One Direction and Despicable Me crisps in an Iceland bag. Rory’s not afraid to say that Where Do Broken Hearts Go is the greatest song ever written, secure within himself and soothed by Zayn’s high notes.

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The walls are covered with the faces of great men, such as Steve McQueen and Mohammed Ali, which his girlfriend reportedly says ‘is a bit homoerotic’. But who’s judging?

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Queen’s College Would Be So Disappointed – Saoirse, 18, History

Hampstead resident Saoirse’s room is a hybrid between a primary school staff room and an Urban Outfitters. Pretty much everything is tea stained and there’s more mugs in her sink than there are left in Derby dinner hall.

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The right hand side of this room is dedicated to a mountain of clothes. Although not unusual in any fresher’s room, this pile consists only of black garments, which Saoirse said: “Represents [her] soul.”

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She pays homage to her hometown which, like everyone at Nottingham, is London. The poster sits above her bed with pride, so she can dream that tomorrow she’ll be eating at Five Guys and not Chicken Joes.

Dual Personality – Elle, 19, History

Using a dead deer head to organise you necklaces immediately singles you out as one bad mama-jama. However, Elle does a classic girl move: arranges her pictures in a heart and buys a Marilyn Monroe poster. Goodbye badass BNOC title forever.

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However, she completely ignores the no-kettle rule of halls, reinstating her status of total reb. Also, don’t forget, Marilyn Monroe was a drug addict.

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Marilyn Monroe Really Speaks To Me – Lauren, 19, Art History

Preston girl Lauren may have e-mailed until her heart’s content thanks to her to-do list, but she’s also succumb to the plague that is sweeping across every girl in Nottingham’s bedroom: Marilyn Monroe memorabilia.

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I can only think that such posters (or pillows) are only effective when you look at it, steaming after a night out, having a lonely cry about your insecurities. What’s more, her selfie-stick can capture the whole thing.

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Clearly a home-bird, Lauren’s covered her walls in pictures of family and friends, framing one of her dog.  Although, yes, it’s ultimately oestrogen’s playground, this room is cute, well-decorated and full of personal touches.

Bilingual boudoir – Antoine, 22, Business

This French lothario is loud and proud about his roots. Even his front door reads Monsieur Frog in classic Euro humour.

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Although slightly disappointed by his lack of Serge Gainsbourg memorabilia, Antoine’s native tongue decorates his bedsheets and wall art, which includes a Polar Bear who ‘skis like a beast’. Naturally.

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His Back to the Future poster seems like an attempt to connect with the culture of his English hall mates, who of course are absolute sluts for a Michael J. Fox film.

Suspicious under bed tissues – Charlie, 20, Sociology

This Hammersmith boy clearly has some mummy issues, no doubt crying himself to sleep on that Quentin Blake illustrated pillow nightly.

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It’s easier to convince yourself that the suspicious number of tissues underneath his bed are from either a) crying at Johnny Cash’s video for Hurt or b) muffling his screams as Jack Nicholson breaks through the door in a spontaneous Putlocker session of The Shining.

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Charlie’s Angels – Charlie, 19, History

The smell of testosterone hits you like a tonne of bricks walking into what I can only describe as the lion’s den. Despite Charlie admitting the centre of his room is his beloved pot of Nesquik, the copious levels of boob, butt and whey isolate may take the crown.

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This history boy’s inner animal is clearly expressed through his daring bedsheets. But this is a man who enjoys fine art. Having a total of ten posters in his room, you can’t help but feel Charlie is going through some sort of identity crisis.

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Yet, it must be said, thematically, the female form wins out. With a total of three posters dedicated to scantily clad women, it must be asked: is he compensating for anything? A newfound lack of blu-tac, most likely.

Eat, Sleep, Gym, Repeat – Eli, 18, English and American Literature

Eli is the Hannah Montana of halls. On a night out, she’s glamourous as fuck. At three o’clock on a Tuesday afternoon, she’s comatised in a state of post-seminar delirium and concaving self-worth.

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Highlighting her Aussie roots, Eli’s room is decorated to a T. However, so is her floor, which is scattered with clothes and the occasional MacBook. Although she describes the state her room as “not that bad”, her gym regime – described on her wall in full – is immaculate.

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Yet, her newly-acquired copy of 50 Shades lies bedside, telling us this girl isn’t as innocent as we once thought. Ms Miansarow defends herself, claiming: “I haven’t started reading it yet.”

No Sheets & Nudity – Lewis, 19, Industrial Engineering

Anyone in catered halls will understand the rush of stealing a mug, spoon or fork from the dining hall…only for you to lose them within a matter of hours. Not Lewis, our first year from Coventry. He hoards these stolen goods in spectacular fashion. A smart economic move, if anything.

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‘I’m a big fan of the white mugs,’ said self-titled Powndog.

His decision not to use a bed sheet or a duvet cover is a brave one, but perhaps a braver one for next year’s proud owner of this mattress, as Lewis likes to sleep, work and play Fifa in the nuddy.

 

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This is probably to do with the 40inch monitor he uses for the sole purpose of watching Prison Break, naked, meaning he only really needs to move if he runs out of mugs.

To sum up the experience of walking into this room, it’s like entering Christian Grey’s playroom.

Why bother decorating – Olly, 19, History and Ancient History

Brighton boy Olly is minimalist, the only personal touches in his room being some carefully scattered clothes and a few empty bottles of Glen’s.

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What we do learn about this brooding brunette is his love of Vesper café @ Willoughby. The signature pizza boxes are the recognised logo of laziness for a Florence Boot fresher, who can’t be bothered to walk for longer than thirty seconds to use their meal card.

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Olly’s lack of desire to decorate (and his unmade bed) suggest that this is one fresher taking university by the academic horns, attending all those 9ams and physically not finding enough time in the day for a sneaky browse on allposters.com. Good for you, Olly. Keep up the good work.

Hobbycraft is my salvation – Agonita, 20, History and American Studies

This Kossovan beauty is a creative and very clean (she has an ensuite) one. A bad girl at heart, clearly ignoring the student handbook’s rule against decorative lights – hashtag fuck the system – Agonita has decorated her room to reflect her own edgy style.

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Covered with pictures of friends, Ag’s main display is an exotic beach far away. This suggests that she’s a dreamer, hoping to be beach-bound come 4am, as her room is directly above the JCR.

Her noticeboard features a picture of the Adidas logo, which immediately identifies Ags as a Thursday night Shapes goer. It is, after all, the Mecca of sports jacket fans.

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There you have it, your one-stop tour of our Nottingham first years’ finest (and grimiest) cribs. Vote which room most resembles your fresher’s crib in the poll below, to determine what bad habits we’ve picked up in the interior design field.