How to: live like a student at home
Stuck at home revising giving you the uni blues? Wondering how you’ll cope over summer without your housemates? Here’s how you can still act like you’re living the uni lifestyle whilst living back home.
It’s that time of year when retreating home for some well-rounded cooking and TLC beats the many levels of Hellward and an empty fridge.
But there’s no reason to leave the uni lifestyle behind you just because you’re in a mould-free environment for the first time in months.
Here’s how you can incorporate all those aspects of university life whilst living at home.
Create your own library
Why go to the library when you can make your own?
The dining table, kitchen floor, and anywhere totally obtrusive are all suitable alternatives.
You can then play the home-time game of ‘LOOK HOW MUCH I’M REVISING MUM’ with zero effort – added bonus that you’re not required to get physical for a seat in the Sky Lounge.
They don’t call it Brawlward for nothing, friends.
Commonly heard phrase: “When are you leaving, I need my space back.”
You might not have greedy, hungover housemates to contend with but worse – you probably have siblings or a dog.
You can bet they’ve all grown used to getting all the best treats your fridge has to offer while you’ve been away.
The passive-aggressive post-it is a sure way to re-assert yourself in the family food chain
Commonly heard phrase: “Fuck off my cheesecake”
Raiding alcohol cabinet
Gone are the days of White Ace and Sainsburys basics anything – parents are really good at drinking.
Nothing is off limits to you in your time of need. They love you, they want only the best for you.
That said, student’s total lack of alcohol understanding could result in some awkward conversations when you start nailing the good stuff like it’s going out of fashion…
Commonly heard phrase: “Where’s that 1984 bottle of red I was saving for that special occasion?”
Borderline acceptable levels of cleanliness
Look, we’re not tidy at Uni when there’s no one but ourselves to look after things.
At home, there’s always someone to clean it up for you. It’s positive reinforcement of our bad habits.
And it’s just so easy…
Commonly heard phrase: “Surely students can’t live like this?”
Living from your bed
Whether in halls or a house, chances are you pretty much live from your bed.
Everything is within easy reach, it makes a much comfier desk and procrastinapping can be easily achieved.
The best part about living in your bed at home is that you actually have slaves to make cups of tea and your dinner, so there’s really no good reason to get up.
Commonly heard phrase: “I think I may have lost the ability to stand”
Treating family to some well-rounded student cooking
You’ve learnt some serious life skills at University. Drinking to excess, banging birds, cashin’ cheques and breakin’ necks.
And unless you’re lucky, you’ve had to cook for yourself this year. It should mean some culinary feats have been achieved and it’s time to show your mad skills off.
Commonly heard phrase: “What… is it?”
Family WhatsApp group
With no housemates around, SOMEONE has to deal with your exam time delerium.
And what about the Jay-Z-Solange scandal? And what about that video of a slow loris being tickled?
Your family want to be a part of your life, they’ll value hearing about it. Even at 1am.
Commonly heard phrase: “Who is this Jay-Zedd guy?”