Things you’ll only understand if you’re writing coursework
This is the first essay of the semester. You’re fresh. A first is definitely in the bag.
In the space of a few short weeks of examlessness bliss, you have lost all ability to form a coherent sentence let alone a fully formed essay….
…Or three because the bastards are all due at the same time…
1. Your motivation to write this badboy can be summed up in 80’s classics… from initial determination:
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=btPJPFnesV4[/youtube]
2. To grim resignation:
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rY0WxgSXdEE[/youtube]
3. Finding the heaven-sent secondary reading that is perfect for your essay question on the library catalogue roughly translates into NEVER EVER FINDING A COPY IN REAL LIFE.
4. You feel like an essay god when you actually use the short loan in Hallward.
3. Rediscovering JSTOR in your darkest hour leads to momentary empowerment.
4. However after scrolling through countless (maybe 3) articles you develop a personal vendetta against all incomprehensible theorists/ scholars/ critics:
5. Midway through some of this happens:
6. And some of this:
7. Positive reinforcement is necessary.
8. Bit by bit bullshitting is beginning to come naturally. Time to pad out with some very well placed flowery filler words and a meaty quote.
9. “Hey, some of this might actually even make sense! Quick, I better update my Snapchat story”
10. Also better throw some intellectual synonyms in there
11. As if you weren’t feeling smug enough, using the word “thus” must improve your essay by at least 5 marks.
12. Finishing your essay feels something like this:
13. Until you remember referencing is a bitch.
14. Turnitin holds all the cards to your future and if this isn’t in your inbox you’re fucked: