Things you’ll only understand if you live in Lenton

Lyrical laments about the student wasteland


The Tab takes a walk up the Everest that is Derby Road…

1)      Mentally playing ‘move bitch (get out the way)’ in your head when eyeing up your competitors for boarding the 34 for a 9am.

This is war

This is SPARTA!

2)  …and you imagine apocalypse-eque scenarios if this ever stopped working:

DON'T FAIL ME NOW.

DON’T FAIL ME NOW.

 3) Ocassionally you successfully walk to uni and back; a feat which warrants a celebratory dance:

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4)     You have some sort of bin related woe; either you have five bins, you’ve had both nicked or you’ve resorted to make-shift Sainsbury’s bag emergency waste removal.

Rubbih effort

Rubbish effort

5)      Spotting random stuff discarded on the street every time you venture out and just accepting it and moving on with your life because you’re street savvy and can’t be fazed by no traffic cone/dildo/ mannequin torso.

Inventive chunder control

Inventive chunder control

Why does this smell like wee?

Why does this smell like wee?

6)      Having received several threatening letters about voting/ bins/ telly license which you have responsibly filed in your doorway.

Maybe it's under the Max's menu?

Maybe it’s under the Max’s menu?

7)      Every bus that begins with a 3 makes you kind of love the Notts transport system regardless of how much you moan about it.

Salvation on wheels

Salvation on wheels

8)      The £4 Savoy student ticket = weekend plans sorted

Cheap as the chips in Sainsbury's

4 quid is a sweet deal

9)   You brazenly wait 5 minutes before you go out to order a taxi because there’s always one lurking nearby. You even sometimes flirt with the idea of taking one to uni until your bank account reminds you quietly to calm the fuck down.

taxi

10)   At any one time if you listen really carefully you can hear the distant hum of house music. Cue impromptu visit to Market Bar.

MARKET

11) After aforementioned night out you are forced to avoid awkward encounters in Sainsbury’s:

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12)  And  ain’t nobody got dollar to buy their weekly shop from there

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13) So this screen is your best friend:

tesco

14)   When your landlord vaguely promises to ‘take a look’ when your shower is basically falling through your ceiling and your walls are more mould than Dulux Magnolia and you’ve heard it all before:

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15)  Despite living here for a good while now you’re still not sure how much crime there actually is around Lenton but you still get a bit antsy around Chinese New Year and Bonfire Night. Pft, ‘just fireworks’.

catsssssss

16)   Warts and all you think Lenton is a pretty decent place and more than anything you’re chuffed you didn’t decide to live here instead:

Not the place to be really.

Nott the place to be.