Things you’ll only understand if you live in Lenton
Lyrical laments about the student wasteland
The Tab takes a walk up the Everest that is Derby Road…
1) Mentally playing ‘move bitch (get out the way)’ in your head when eyeing up your competitors for boarding the 34 for a 9am.
2) …and you imagine apocalypse-eque scenarios if this ever stopped working:
3) Ocassionally you successfully walk to uni and back; a feat which warrants a celebratory dance:
4) You have some sort of bin related woe; either you have five bins, you’ve had both nicked or you’ve resorted to make-shift Sainsbury’s bag emergency waste removal.
5) Spotting random stuff discarded on the street every time you venture out and just accepting it and moving on with your life because you’re street savvy and can’t be fazed by no traffic cone/dildo/ mannequin torso.
6) Having received several threatening letters about voting/ bins/ telly license which you have responsibly filed in your doorway.
7) Every bus that begins with a 3 makes you kind of love the Notts transport system regardless of how much you moan about it.
8) The £4 Savoy student ticket = weekend plans sorted
9) You brazenly wait 5 minutes before you go out to order a taxi because there’s always one lurking nearby. You even sometimes flirt with the idea of taking one to uni until your bank account reminds you quietly to calm the fuck down.
10) At any one time if you listen really carefully you can hear the distant hum of house music. Cue impromptu visit to Market Bar.
11) After aforementioned night out you are forced to avoid awkward encounters in Sainsbury’s:
12) And ain’t nobody got dollar to buy their weekly shop from there
13) So this screen is your best friend:
14) When your landlord vaguely promises to ‘take a look’ when your shower is basically falling through your ceiling and your walls are more mould than Dulux Magnolia and you’ve heard it all before:
15) Despite living here for a good while now you’re still not sure how much crime there actually is around Lenton but you still get a bit antsy around Chinese New Year and Bonfire Night. Pft, ‘just fireworks’.
16) Warts and all you think Lenton is a pretty decent place and more than anything you’re chuffed you didn’t decide to live here instead: