Varsity Darts: “We’re going into the lion’s den”

“Last year, Nottingham Uni accused our captain of having an STI. This year, he’s back. And he has two.”


The smack talk has well and truly started ahead of Tuesday’s Varsity Darts clash at the Trent SU.

Nottingham’s Joe Davis is feeling confident for the match, which he describes as “the biggest game of the year.”

Trent were victorious in 2013

Trent were victorious in 2013

“Trent are scared,” he said. “Their captain has asked players who have graduated to come back and play again this year. He’s brought back two alumni.

“They’ve probably got jobs, how much darts can they have been playing? I’m more focused on bringing Freshers through.

“We’ve been training every night this week and we really back ourselves this year.”

Davis said the thought of playing in front of a baying Trent crowd does not intimidate him or his valiant team.

“Obviously it will be different having it in the Trent SU. It will be like going into the lion’s den, but that’ll only make us fight harder. Personally, I love it. I play much better when people are on my back.”

The lion's den

The lion’s den

Trent captain Joe Stimson, however, said that his side “haven’t practised yet, we’re actually in the pub. We may have an hour later.”

Speaking of the controversial returning alumni, Stimson said: “They may be old, but they are young where it matters – in the head and in the mind.

“Last year, Notts accused our President Sam Roberts of having an STI. This year, he’s back. And he’s got two.”

Despite being ridden with disease, Roberts is confident he can repeat his stellar performance from a year ago.

“To quote Mick Hucknell, if you don’t know me by now, you will never never never know me,” he said. “They will remember me, I got asked to leave two years ago after throwing darts into the crowd.”

[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ckEGkyYXb6U[/youtube]

 

Although Roberts and Stimson both admitted that this will be the strongest Nottingham team they have ever faced, they feel that the Notts side will be heavily disadvantaged, obviously, by their lack of sexual experience.

“They’re only friends with their right hands,” Stimson said. “The NTU burlesque society will be performing pre-game and the provocative dancing will surely tip the Notts boys over the edge before the match has even begun.

“It’s all very good seeing a burlesque girl on a computer screen, which I’m sure they have, it’s very different seeing one in person. They won’t be able to handle it.”

masturbation