Have you been a Notty boy?
Porn stats unlikely to cause a mass debate
Corks will be popped in the streets of Lenton tonight as it was revealed that Nottingham porn users last almost a minute longer than the world average.
Figures released by PornHub, the world’s third largest porn video site, show that Notts residents last on average 9 minutes 37 seconds on the website, compared to the world average of 8 minutes 56 seconds.
Although there is no scientific connection between a lengthy fondle and a lengthy session of coitus (probably), this must be good news for the more enthusiastic lovers among us.
Not only does Nottingham’s average smut connoisseur possess admirable stamina, they are also ball-bustingly curious. People who watch porn in Nottingham (students/Tab writers on a Friday night) view almost SEVEN different videos in one sitting/standing/kneeling/shower/lecture.
So what are you looking for when you want to test-fire the old meat missile? PornHub have also revealed the most searched-for terms per nation and per city.
It looks like Nottingham residents like their porn home-grown, with ‘British’ the most popular term. This was followed by some person called Lisa Ann? Yeah, us neither. Then came ‘Lesbian’, ‘Milf’ and ‘Madison Ivy’, which we can only assume is some sort of bush.
Lisa Ann certainly is a popular lady in Britain’s erotica community, featuring in the top 3 for 15 of the 16 cities surveyed. Other popular terms included such delights as ‘smoking’, ‘teacher’, ‘casting’, ‘facial’ and ‘cumshot’, which was Sheffield’s favourite.
In cheeky Wales, ‘squirt’ charmingly slipped into their top 5, while over in Northern Ireland, ‘Brazzers’ was their fifth favourite search term.
Check out the stats below:
Don’t get too cocky though, Notts. Whilst you may be impressed about your average time of 9:37, this looks flaccid when compared to figures from the USA, the spiritual home of porn. Our American cousins have a whopping average time of 10:51.
In terms of the UK’s longest-lasting regions, Ware have the longest average time (10:37) and poor Keele have the lowest (8:44). So, ladies, it’s probably best to steer clear of those Keele blokes…
Or maybe we’re just being anal.