Have you been a Notty boy?
Porn stats unlikely to cause a mass debate
Corks will be popped in the streets of Lenton tonight as it was revealed that Nottingham porn users last almost a minute longer than the world average.
Figures released by PornHub, the world’s third largest porn video site, show that Notts residents last on average 9 minutes 37 seconds on the website, compared to the world average of 8 minutes 56 seconds.
Although there is no scientific connection between a lengthy fondle and a lengthy session of coitus (probably), this must be good news for the more enthusiastic lovers among us.
Not only does Nottingham’s average smut connoisseur possess admirable stamina, they are also ball-bustingly curious. People who watch porn in Nottingham (students/Tab writers on a Friday night) view almost SEVEN different videos in one sitting/standing/kneeling/shower/lecture.
So what are you looking for when you want to test-fire the old meat missile? PornHub have also revealed the most searched-for terms per nation and per city.
It looks like Nottingham residents like their porn home-grown, with ‘British’ the most popular term. This was followed by some person called Lisa Ann? Yeah, us neither. Then came ‘Lesbian’, ‘Milf’ and ‘Madison Ivy’, which we can only assume is some sort of bush.
We Googled ‘Lisa Ann’ and, frankly, we were shocked
Lisa Ann certainly is a popular lady in Britain’s erotica community, featuring in the top 3 for 15 of the 16 cities surveyed. Other popular terms included such delights as ‘smoking’, ‘teacher’, ‘casting’, ‘facial’ and ‘cumshot’, which was Sheffield’s favourite.
In cheeky Wales, ‘squirt’ charmingly slipped into their top 5, while over in Northern Ireland, ‘Brazzers’ was their fifth favourite search term.
Check out the stats below:
Don’t get too cocky though, Notts. Whilst you may be impressed about your average time of 9:37, this looks flaccid when compared to figures from the USA, the spiritual home of porn. Our American cousins have a whopping average time of 10:51.
In terms of the UK’s longest-lasting regions, Ware have the longest average time (10:37) and poor Keele have the lowest (8:44). So, ladies, it’s probably best to steer clear of those Keele blokes…
Or maybe we’re just being anal.
Grace Campbell
Families of Nottingham attack victims recall moment they were told about their deaths
‘I remember I got out the car and I screamed. It was just like everything went dark around us’
Bella Fatherley
Man jailed for nine years after killing Nottingham Trent student in police car chase
‘Our beloved Oshada was very close to our hearts and can never be forgotten’
University of Nottingham alumna died from stage four cancer while visiting family in China
Gwen Zheng died in March after being diagnosed with stomach cancer last October
Families of Nottingham attacks victims call for law change after killer’s sentence reviewed
‘Until the law is changed murderers will get away with murder’
Nottingham University introduces mandatory breathalyser for all students before lectures
This comes after attendance to morning lectures dropped to an all time low
Here’s what your favourite night out says about you as a Notts student
Lexi KenseyFrom the sticky floors of Ocean to the fresh downing pints at Sheaves
Courtney Layzell
From nightlife to natural beauty: This is what Notts students love most about the city
Rufus ReddingIt’s not just the nightlife that Notts has to offer
Nottingham student sentenced for involvement in Depop designer clothing scam
Enoch Onojighofia has been ordered to undertake 180 hours of unpaid work
Nottingham University students occupy Trent Building in protest of arms manufacturers
Students demanded the university ends partnerships with arms manufacturers
Your ultimate guide to the best post-library pint spots in Notts
Daniel EllisThe most important article I’ve ever written
PSA: Here are the best places for your parents to stay for graduation
Alexandra HaydenBecause they deserve something cosy
Man admits to making bomb hoax in Market Square same day as Nottingham attacks vigil
65-year-old Vivian Mackay called police and told them he had planted a bomb inside a tree
Families of Nottingham attack victims back decision to put police into ‘special measures’
The decision means that the force will have to improve the way in which they carry out effective investigations and support victims
PSA Notts students: Here’s all the best advice from Nottingham alumni
Lizzi MathiasWe asked Nottingham alumni what they wish they knew sooner and here’s what they said…
Families of Nottingham attack victims say police boss is ‘hiding away’ from them
‘Why can she not just pick up the phone?’
Here’s how to make the most out of your final semester at UoN
Finola SpeckWhether you’re a slave to George Green library, a Crisis cult follower or somewhere in between
Poppy Belton
Everything Jack O’Connell has been up to since breaking all our hearts as Cook in Skins
Rebecca MurphyHe’s now starring in the new Amy Winehouse biopic Back To Black
From absolute legends to losers, the definitive ranking of Coachella’s biggest headliners
Aaron EdwardsThere’s been the best of shows, there’s been the worst of shows
Emily Smith
Tori has finally spilled what her friendship status is now with the other MAFS Australia girls
Harrison Brocklehurst‘What those girls did to me was not friendship’
Madeleine complains that her MAFS Australia edit made her look like a ‘batsh*t crazy b*tch’
Francesca EkeThe psychic medium said that producers ‘pushed on a relationship topic that she didn’t want to go into’
MAFS Australia bride says groom broke up with her ‘out of the blue’ and won’t reply to her
‘He won’t reply to me. He hasn’t replied’
A body language expert says Jack and Tori are lying about having sex on MAFS Australia
‘Do I think they had proper sex? No’
Everything Eden and Jayden have been up to since their messy run on MAFS Australia
Apparently they broke up FOUR TIMES after filming finished
This is why everyone thinks Taylor Swift’s song thanK you aIMee is about Kim Kardashian
The title literally spells out KIM!!
All the savage Matty Healy lyrics Taylor Swift sings on The Tortured Poets Department
‘They shake their heads and say God help her when I tell them he’s my man’
Richard Gadd speaks about how similar Baby Reindeer’s Martha actually is to his real stalker
Phoebe KowhaiShe did actually send him over 41,071 emails and leave 350 hours of voicemails
Student at £43,000 a year private school ‘smashed the skulls’ of two students with hammer
The 17-year-old also tried to kill a teacher in ‘horrific attack’
Ellie Ring
What have Timothy and Lucinda been up to since their MAFS Australia 2024 homestay fight?
They’re still besties!
Here’s where to watch Richard Gadd next if you’re obsessed with Netflix’s Baby Reindeer
He’s in a police show with Stephen Graham!
Digs at Davide to Lorraine Kelly drama: What Ekin-Su has been up to since Celeb Big Brother
Iona MacRobertShe’s been in the headlines a lot lately
After their tense homestay, are Jack and Tori still together after MAFS Australia 2024?
I need answers immediately
Yikes! A snippet of Taylor Swift’s new album has allegedly leaked and people are SLATING it
‘We declared Charlie Puth should be a bigger artist’ is an actual lyric
Inside the life of Walton Goggins, the Fallout ghoul everyone is weirdly crushing on
Lily ColdstreamYes, it’s possible to thirst after a man who looks like a carved pumpkin