Life on the bottom floor

The devastating experiences of an unfortunate second year

In uni life you flee the nest not once, but twice.

The second time is leaving the safe haven of halls and venturing into the slightly dodgy ‘character-building’ field of student-rented houses.

Yet, there seems to be charity cases emerging amongst the streets of Lenton; the brave souls who are stuck on the bottom floor bedroom.

One innocent victim’s horrific experiences on Devonshire Promenade seem a little worse though…

They didn't even see it coming...

The girls in happier times…

Peeping Tom

Dear Diary,

So today I went to do my daily workout. Whilst I was innocently jiggling my jelly Miley style, I saw a pair of eyes under my blinds. I have a peeping tom!

The perpetrator was adorned in a blue cap so my housemates have come to the conclusion he was Dominoes delivery guy…they didn’t mention this in the vouchers.

Let’s hope life on the bottom floor will start to improve…

Boarding up your windows - low point

Considering boarding up my windows…


Dear Diary,

We woke up to a bit of an odd smell today. After a bit of investigation, we found the source of the problem.

There was poo on our doorstep. Not fox poo, or dog poo. Actual human poo.

As closest geographically to the faeces, I was nominated to clear it up whilst my other housemates scurried upstairs!

A truly shit start to a Monday morning.

We hope he wiped.

We hope he wiped


Leaflet trap

Dear Diary,

So, I missed all my lectures today.

The abundance of  leaflets cascading through the letterbox have formed a thick carpet which blocks my door, rendering me powerless to shift them and creating a slidey death trap.

Managed to fight my way out of my room when suddenly a pesky Luigi’s voucher glued itself to my foot: cue embarassingly loud bang as I went crashing to the floor.

Have now been in QMC for 5 hours with suspected whip lash.

Worried I will starve to death. #ironic

The sea of flyers...

The sea of flyers…


Dear Diary,

Managed to battle my way through the leaflets and since I was feeling very sorry for myself this week, I decided to happily drown my sorrows in Ocean.

Predrinks were held in my room and I was starting to think life wasn’t so bad on the ground floor. But come this morning, I found a Qur’an leaning lovingly on my windowsill.

Clearly a concerned neighbour had heard my late night antics and thought some religious guidance was needed. More to follow…

Um, thank you I guess?

Um, thank you I guess?

The Victim

Sadly, these are where the diary entries end.

Third year Marina Ferns has now fled the country for a year abroad and is rumored to be taking up the reading recommendations of a concerned neighbour.


We urge the new second years to take heed from Marina’s stories and be warned; halls really are a world away from second year.