Life on the bottom floor
The devastating experiences of an unfortunate second year
In uni life you flee the nest not once, but twice.
The second time is leaving the safe haven of halls and venturing into the slightly dodgy ‘character-building’ field of student-rented houses.
Yet, there seems to be charity cases emerging amongst the streets of Lenton; the brave souls who are stuck on the bottom floor bedroom.
One innocent victim’s horrific experiences on Devonshire Promenade seem a little worse though…
The girls in happier times…
Peeping Tom
Dear Diary,
So today I went to do my daily workout. Whilst I was innocently jiggling my jelly Miley style, I saw a pair of eyes under my blinds. I have a peeping tom!
The perpetrator was adorned in a blue cap so my housemates have come to the conclusion he was Dominoes delivery guy…they didn’t mention this in the vouchers.
Let’s hope life on the bottom floor will start to improve…
Considering boarding up my windows…
Faeces
Dear Diary,
We woke up to a bit of an odd smell today. After a bit of investigation, we found the source of the problem.
There was poo on our doorstep. Not fox poo, or dog poo. Actual human poo.
As closest geographically to the faeces, I was nominated to clear it up whilst my other housemates scurried upstairs!
A truly shit start to a Monday morning.
We hope he wiped
Leaflet trap
Dear Diary,
So, I missed all my lectures today.
The abundance of leaflets cascading through the letterbox have formed a thick carpet which blocks my door, rendering me powerless to shift them and creating a slidey death trap.
Managed to fight my way out of my room when suddenly a pesky Luigi’s voucher glued itself to my foot: cue embarassingly loud bang as I went crashing to the floor.
Have now been in QMC for 5 hours with suspected whip lash.
Worried I will starve to death. #ironic
The sea of flyers…
Qur’an
Dear Diary,
Managed to battle my way through the leaflets and since I was feeling very sorry for myself this week, I decided to happily drown my sorrows in Ocean.
Predrinks were held in my room and I was starting to think life wasn’t so bad on the ground floor. But come this morning, I found a Qur’an leaning lovingly on my windowsill.
Clearly a concerned neighbour had heard my late night antics and thought some religious guidance was needed. More to follow…
Um, thank you I guess?
The Victim
Sadly, these are where the diary entries end.
Third year Marina Ferns has now fled the country for a year abroad and is rumored to be taking up the reading recommendations of a concerned neighbour.
We urge the new second years to take heed from Marina’s stories and be warned; halls really are a world away from second year.
Grace Campbell
Families of Nottingham attack victims recall moment they were told about their deaths
‘I remember I got out the car and I screamed. It was just like everything went dark around us’
Bella Fatherley
Man jailed for nine years after killing Nottingham Trent student in police car chase
‘Our beloved Oshada was very close to our hearts and can never be forgotten’
University of Nottingham alumna died from stage four cancer while visiting family in China
Gwen Zheng died in March after being diagnosed with stomach cancer last October
Families of Nottingham attacks victims call for law change after killer’s sentence reviewed
‘Until the law is changed murderers will get away with murder’
Nottingham University introduces mandatory breathalyser for all students before lectures
This comes after attendance to morning lectures dropped to an all time low
Here’s what your favourite night out says about you as a Notts student
Lexi KenseyFrom the sticky floors of Ocean to the fresh downing pints at Sheaves
Courtney Layzell
From nightlife to natural beauty: This is what Notts students love most about the city
Rufus ReddingIt’s not just the nightlife that Notts has to offer
Nottingham student sentenced for involvement in Depop designer clothing scam
Enoch Onojighofia has been ordered to undertake 180 hours of unpaid work
Nottingham University students occupy Trent Building in protest of arms manufacturers
Students demanded the university ends partnerships with arms manufacturers
Your ultimate guide to the best post-library pint spots in Notts
Daniel EllisThe most important article I’ve ever written
PSA: Here are the best places for your parents to stay for graduation
Alexandra HaydenBecause they deserve something cosy
Man admits to making bomb hoax in Market Square same day as Nottingham attacks vigil
65-year-old Vivian Mackay called police and told them he had planted a bomb inside a tree
Families of Nottingham attack victims back decision to put police into ‘special measures’
The decision means that the force will have to improve the way in which they carry out effective investigations and support victims
PSA Notts students: Here’s all the best advice from Nottingham alumni
Lizzi MathiasWe asked Nottingham alumni what they wish they knew sooner and here’s what they said…
Families of Nottingham attack victims say police boss is ‘hiding away’ from them
‘Why can she not just pick up the phone?’
Here’s how to make the most out of your final semester at UoN
Finola SpeckWhether you’re a slave to George Green library, a Crisis cult follower or somewhere in between
Poppy Belton
Jess reveals she and Callum ‘no longer speak’ after he did something ‘unforgiveable’ to her
Ellie Ring‘I wouldn’t say he’s a friend’
Hi Barbie! Meet the student who has written her entire dissertation on the Barbie movie
Emily SmithNot her supervisor’s name being Ken!
Holidays and moving in together: Inside Tom and Molly’s adorable post Love Island life
They’re actually too wholesome
Baby Reindeer’s Jessica Gunning has spoken out about people trying to find the real Martha
‘I think it’s a real, real shame, because it shows that they haven’t watched the show properly’
‘Taylor Swift pub’ The Black Dog staff have spoken out about chaotic week mobbed by Swifties
Harrison Brocklehurst‘We’ve got a Swift half pint on the menu, which people can get for free if they sing a Taylor lyric’
Kim Kardashian is ‘over’ Taylor Swift feud and ‘thinks Taylor should move on’ after new song
Taylor’s new album features a song called ‘thanK you aIMee’ which is believed to be a massive dig at Kim
From tattoos to moving in together: What are Tori and Jack up to after MAFS Australia 2024?
They’re in their own little bubble
More lies Jack from MAFS Australia has been telling his ex have surfaced and it’s chaos
‘He’s only staying with Tori because he’s backed into a corner’
Ben slams Ellie for being ‘vindictive’ on MAFS and claims she’s with Jono for ‘publicity’
‘She always played the victim’
Cast member Ben claims MAFS Australia 2024 producers mocked and ‘criticised’ his ADHD
‘I didn’t sign up to be taken advantage of through my mental health’
A look inside the wholesome life of Jessica Gunning who carried Baby Reindeer as Martha
Francesca EkeI can’t believe she’s not actually Scottish
No ifs, no buts: These are the absolute WORST episodes of Black Mirror ever
Black Mirror episode idea: Me being forced to watch these on loop
Inside the wild transformations of the Buffy cast, from the first episode to now
Sarah Michelle Gellar my ageless queen!
What have raunchy lovebirds Ridge and Jade been up since MAFS Australia 2024?
Not him getting her name tattooed on his back
Everyone’s wondering if Baby Reindeer’s on stage breakdown was real, so here’s what happened
Phoebe KowhaiDonny opened up about the sexual assault he had experienced whilst performing stand up
One MAFS Australia 2024 groom who made it to final vows has already got a new girlfriend
And apparently they dated before the show?!
Man falsely accused of being Darrien from Baby Reindeer has launched police investigation
He has involved police due to ‘defamatory, abusive and threatening posts’ against him
‘I love the surprise’: Richard Gadd has spoken about why he chose THAT Baby Reindeer ending
‘It was the most truthful scene of the entire show’